From Africa to the Caribbean

Classy Little Women

2012-02-09T20:07:00.000-08:00

I received a new Kindle from a friend's family for Christmas. Receiving it was a complete surprise, and they are so generous to think of and gift it to me. (Turns out that my parents had also purchased one for me, so my dad made a mad dash on Christmas Eve to find an alternative gift. I am thankful for thoughtful and generous people in my life!) I immediately starting perusing the free books and downloaded many classics. Among them: Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.

Disclaimer: I thought this would be some sort of intellectual and inspiring rambling on character development and relevance. However, it literally turned out to be my appreciation for good writing.

What I appreciate about Little Women is that the girls are so classy. Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy all have their strengths and weaknesses. As a young woman myself, I admired different character traits about each girl. Meg is such a responsible girly-girl. Jo is bold and honest. Beth is a tender spirit and talented musician. And Amy. Oh, Amy is the artist of the family who also fights the same battle that all girls do in being popular and pretty.

All of the girls have such a high respect for their mother, Marmie. Marmie does not let foul behavior go unpunished, but she desires fair punishment. She allows her daughters to explore their imaginations and does not attempt to live vicariously through them. She teaches them tenderness and faithfulness. When she speaks to them, she treats them with maturity. She calls them to a higher standard than the world and constantly reminds them of their salvation through faith. She lives sacrificially and calls her little women to do the same.

And then there's the neighbor boy, Laurie. Move over, Mr. Darcy. Laurie has stolen this girls' heart! Younger than Meg but older than Jo, he fits right in with the March sisters as the brother they never had. He complies with their theatrical adventures and child's play. He attends high class social events to protect the girls from immodesty. Eventually, Jo rejects his profession of love toward her. Not to worry: Laurie finds Amy in Europe while on sabbatical, and the two are betrothed and eventually wed.

My favorite piece from the Broadway score is from the the song, Astonishing. Jo is upset about Laurie's profession of love toward her, upset at the prospect of breaking up the four sisters as they were. Any normal human can relate to her words. It completely encompasses her personality and heart's desires:

I thought home was all I'd ever want
My attic all I'd ever need.
Now nothing feels the way it was before
And I don't know how to proceed.
I only know I'm meant for something more
I've got to know if I can be
Astonishing

There's a life
That I am meant to lead
A life like nothing I have known
I can feel it
And it's far from here
I've got to find it on my own

Even now I feel it's heat upon my skin.
A life of passion that pulls me from within,
A life that I am making to begin.
There must be somewhere I can be
Astonishing
Astonishing

Here I go
And there's no turning back
My great adventure has begun
I may be small
But I've got giant plans
To shine as greatly as the sun

I will blaze until I find my time and place
I will be fearless,
Surrendering modesty and grace
I will not disapear without a trace
I'll shout and start a riot
Be anything but quiet
Christopher Columbus
I'll be astonishing
Astonishing
Astonishing at last!

Favorite quote from the novel:

"Have regular hours for work and play, make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life become a beautiful success, in spite of poverty."

Twenty Two

2012-02-07T11:32:00.000-08:00

I still refer to Megan as my little sister, which takes most by surprise when they learn that she's actually in her 20s. I still imagine her as a 7 or 8-year-old, perhaps because that's when she really started getting "old" or "big" enough to hang with the big sisters. I remember my mom being pregnant with her, I remember feeding her as a baby in the high chair. I remember sharing a room with her, from crib to bunk beds. 

I'm still learning about her. Learning that her favorite cake is red velvet with cream cheese frosting.

Learning that she does not usually answer directly, and that she takes great joy in giving gifts to others. Learning that though her bedroom may not reflect it, she is detailed in most areas of her life.

Learning that she has a sensitive heart and desires to see the best in people.

Happy birthday, little sister! 

May this day bring about a spirit of thanksgiving for the years of life God has granted you.

I love you!

Can of Worms: The Basic Scoop

2012-02-05T21:51:00.000-08:00

Though not all of my initial questions have been answered, I have a better idea of what RPCV is trying to accomplish.

She served in a Latin American country a handful of years before I was born. I understand that she was never medically evacuated during or medically separated from her service; however, she continues to suffer lasting effects within her physical body--related directly to things she contracted from her PC service. She has had quite the frustrating and discouraging experience attempting to find adequate care for these conditions. Likewise, she has known many other RPCVs to be in the same state, and sometimes worse off than she is. She feels mistreated and neglected by the PC and is hoping that "going public" will cause PC to change and improve service those who have suffered for the cause.

I hope that she found encouragement and faith in my words when I explained a few positive things I witnessed while at headquarters.

(1) The newly hired and instated Victim Advocate rocks. She was another person I never would have thought to communicate with, but Ed knew better and introduced us personally. Volunteers are told that her main duty is to respond to and support victims of sexual assault, but she firmly believes that she is paid to help any and every volunteer who might benefit from her services. The victim advocate was also quite instrumental in helping me understand my options and how to make my desires known.

(2) OMS (office of medical services) was the hardest one for me to handle emotionally. However, once I stated my separation status wishes to my IHC (international healthcare coordinator), she was faithful to communicate that to the decision-making team. In the end, they separated me as I desired.

I was transparent with RPCV, as I am with you. I wrote:

"There was a time during my first med evac in Dakar, Senegal, that I literally thought I was going to die. I remember very clearly lying in the bed at the PCMO crying because I was so sad for my parents and sisters who I would be leaving behind, and feeling guilty because all I really wanted to do was to die. Praise the Lord that He sustained my life and I am now "recovered," typing this message to you. At this point, I am doing fine. i do suffer problems that I did not suffer before service, and that I know are directly linked to my service. But the medical doctors cannot do anything about them anymore. No one really can. It's not anyone's fault and no one is responsible for them. They're just a fact of life now.
'The first wealth is health,' Hippocrates wrote. Yes, I am bummed that I am still suffering physically. But, in a sense, I knew that I was signing up for those risks. And I cannot imagine not finishing that which I've started. Therefore, I am attempting another term in a safer place, physically speaking: Jamaica."

More thoughts on my opinion of what [perhaps little] I understand about RPCV's cause to come...

Confessions Over Coffee II

2012-01-30T15:30:00.000-08:00

Confession: I'm a stationery snob.

Working at Papyrus ruined me. Hallmark and American Greetings don't cut it anymore.

Confession: I listen to Norah Jones only on rainy days.

Her music is far more entertaining under those circumstances.

Confession: The part of reentering service that scares me the most is a new team.

It's not the people who scare me. It's having to build those friendships all over again, knowing that I left perfectly healthy ones behind.

That, and going through pre-service training again. I pray I don't write it off because I already "know it all."

Confession: I really don't care for tea.

That's why we have confessions over coffee.

But if your name is Meredith or Victoria, I'll enjoy a cup of tea in your kitchen over quality conversation.

Confession: I'm afraid of dogs--deathly afraid--for as long as I can remember
If it's bigger than a cat, it's big enough to hurt me.

So if I hang back or put you in front of me if I see a dog from 60 yards away, this is why.

She opened a can of worms. A potentially huge can of worms.

2012-01-26T22:39:00.000-08:00

As any fanatic of anything would, I subscribe to the "Peace Corps/The Gambia" Facebook group. Someone posted in the group today an invitation from yet another returned Peace Corps Volunteer. The invitee seems to be suffering chronic health issues that relate directly back to her PC service. In short, she feels misled and not compensated enough regarding her chronic health conditions. She is led to believe that there are many RPCVs who feel the same way. I have chosen to reply to her invitation. The initial response is one merely of understanding and curiosity. I have not yet disclosed my own experience or opinions. That will come later. Thus begins the saga:

----------

Hi RPCV,

I am responding to a young woman who posted your invitation and email in the Facebook group for Peace Corps/The Gambia.
While the girl who posted claimed to not be in the situation you are in (having obtained a chronic physical handicap directly related to one's PC service), I have. Please understand that this email may be lengthy, but I am more than happy to share any and all of my experience and opinions with you.

I was sworn in as an Education volunteer in The Gambia on September 2, 2011. I moved to site (4 hours on a dirt road upcountry from the US Embassy and PC office) on September 5th Two nights later I developed a high fever and an overall sick feeling. I begged the PCMO to send PC transport the next day, and I left my hut on September 8th thinking that I'd be gone just through the weekend. Au contraire, I was in the city for less than 24 hours before they medically evacuated me to regional headquarters. I was at the regional PCMO for 4 weeks where I stabilized and the doctors ran out of resources to be able to diagnose me accurately. I was further evacuated to headquarters (Washington, DC) where I received a firm diagnosis the day after arriving back in the states. Final diagnosis: drug-induced hepatitis directly caused by the malaria prophylaxis I was taking per PC policy. Basically, the medication I had to be on gave me hepatitis.

Having hepatitis was a living hell. Praise be to God that our bodies are created to heal themselves, and mine has responded quite well since discontinuing that particular medication. I was eventually medically separated from my term of service and sent home to California. As a result of my COS physical, I found out that I had also brought parasites back with me from Africa. The average PCV would think, "no big deal; most volunteers contract parasites." However, parasites are kind of a big deal and they have left lasting impacts on my body as well. Ironically enough, I am currently reaping the destruction of the parasites more than I am of the hepatitis.

On the second leg of my med evac adventure I spent three weeks at headquarters in Washington, DC. There I met kindred spirits among the other med evacs. We all had our issues: a face bashed in by metal pipes, blood infections that caused permanent nerve damage and septic shock, "wack evacs" who were evacuated for sanity and mental stability purposes, an unwanted pregnancy, and HIV+ tests. We were the extreme, the really messed up.

There is no way to adequately communicate my experience to you without writing a novel. (Not to worry, I have already begun the outline for it.) However, I hope you believe me when I write that I have thought through, perhaps excessively, exactly what you state as concern. If I understand correctly, you think that volunteers such as ourselves have been treated and dealt with unfairly. We have been misled and ignored, and--for the most part--deserve better than how we have been treated post-service.

I have a couple of questions for you. Please answer as you feel led, and do not hesitate to tell me what information you wish to remain private:

1. Where and when did you serve? Which sector?
2. What chronic illness/physical condition do you suffer, as it directly relates to your PC service?
3. How do you think, specifically, PC could [have] better service[d] you regarding your answer to #2? In what ways do you think PC has failed you?
4. What is your goal(s) in "going public?" By what means do you plan on accomplishing this? You specifically stated that you want the media involved. Can you elaborate? How will the media help you accomplish your greater goal(s)?

I do have more thoughts to share but do not want to overwhelm you. I look forward to hearing your responses and further communication on the matter. Additionally, I am open to answering any questions you have regarding my own case. Please do not hesitate to contact me via telephone if you prefer.

Sincerely,
Kate Wright
RPCV, The Gambia

----------

To be continued...

One of Peace Corps' Finest

2012-01-13T16:30:00.000-08:00

I know this is a low-quality photograph, but it's all I have documenting my time in Dakar.

(Special thanks to Kim for sharing!)

Many people enter our lives for only a short period of time. Very few of those short-term relationships leave a lasting impact. Such is the case with the above woman: Dr. Ararat Iyasu (middle). She was the woman replying to my "I have a fever that won't go down" text messages and the one who listened to me beg her to send a PC car to my site so I wouldn't have to take public transport. I met her at about 8:30pm on September 7, 2011. She was wearing a beautiful purple outfit and had a calm demeanor. (I, on the other hand, was freaking out.) She poked and prodded my body, took my vitals and a urine sample, then forced me to drink water all before I thought to ask her name. I remember thinking that she must think I was the most rude person she had ever met. I found out that she is the regional MD and PCMD (PC medical director). She was filling in for a week in The Gambia, away from her permanent post in Dakar.

I was pretty out of it that whole night, so when I woke up at 3am with the chills and a general sense of panic, I wandered out to the reception room. She immediately sat up from her slumber on the couch to tend to me. The next day she tried to force me to eat in-between sleeping, fought communicated with headquarters to get me to a place with better health care, and sat beside me on my bed to comfort me. That night she saw me off in the airport with the promise of seeing me in less than a week. The expression on her face told me that she was doubtful of my ability to travel alone. With God's help I did, in fact, make it to Dakar.

I woke up the first morning in Dakar to Dr. Ullie telling me that the guy from the lab was here to draw my blood. Viles of it. We're talking feeding-baby-vampires-status. Dr. Ullie reminded me of my own grandmother, Oma. She told me, "Ararat said she is your mother, so that means I am your mother until she returns." It's true. I had those same thoughts about Dr. Ararat. She was like my mother. (She is, in fact, older than my own wonderful mother.)

Dr. Ararat continued to be my advocate as I laid around the PC office fighting fever, rash, jaundice, and stomach viruses. She visited me every day, and I would sometimes hike to the 3rd floor just to sit in her office while she worked. She gave to me from her own prized stash of Quaker instant oatmeal (rarely found in W Africa). She ordered the other Senegalese volunteers to take care of me. She put my personal requests in the communication logs with headquarters. She was there for all the doctor's appointments (when she wasn't out of the country) and took Kim (other girl pictured) and I to N'Ice Cream during those outings. She spoiled me and cared for me as if I was her very daughter.

Dr. Ararat, you are unforgettable. You made my whole Peace Corps/med evac situation the best it could have been. I cannot wait for the days we will reunite. I am thankful for you!

Confessions Over Coffee

2012-01-10T23:12:00.000-08:00

Confession: I wish I had majored one of the sciences. Not Biblical Studies.

This picture really is of my chemistry review notes. I can't get enough of science.

Alas, what is done is done. If I were to go back, it would be for the sciences.

Confession: I have the same shower routine. Every time. Exactly the same.

Boring, yes. But efficiently boring.

Confession: I love networking

There is something special to me about building positive relationships and linking others along the way.

I don't know why or how God has given me [many] friends in "high" places, but I love it.

Confession: One of my all-time favorite movies is High School Musical.

The other one is The Wedding Planner.

Confession: There are certain things that still make me cry when thinking about how difficult Africa was.
I am aware that I was an emotional wrek while I was there, and I thought I was over it.
Apparently not every aspect.
I guess I cannot always blame the medication for everything.

If I Were a Single Mom...

2012-01-06T15:26:00.000-08:00

...I would be anorexic.

Seriously, moms.

How do you find time to eat, let alone do other things necessary for survival?

Hats off to you!

I've been having fun this week:

2011: The Year of Change

2012-01-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

A week ago a friend asked me what God has shown me through this past season.
This morning in church six vulnerable people shared what they have learned in 2011.
As the introspective type, I constantly reflect on these same things.
Ergo, I am inclined to be cliche and share my own.
Reflection is careful consideration.
After months of careful consideration, a certain theme continues to rise above the rest.

Friendship.

"'Tis absence, however, that makes the heart grow fonder."

Imagine being cut off from everything and everyone that is familiar. Except for your underwear.
Making new friends during Peace Corps service is not optional. It's survival.
I have never, never had a stronger bond with a group of people than I did during pre-service training.
What was more interesting, though, was to discover who from my pre-PC life decided to make the effort to maintain a now international friendship.
I'm not judging; I myself gained a whole new perspective on what it means to be a friend.
THE most difficult part of the past five or six months has been to be unexpectedly torn from those new, instantly-best-friend-status friendships: PC/The Gambia volunteers, African medical doctors, pseudo Lebanese family, networking from friends back home, PC med evacs.

So what has God taught me in 2011? What stands out the most?

The faithfulness of a friend.
True friends know no bounds.
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
- Proverbs 18:24
"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."
- John 15:13

There are a few friends who have stood out above all the relationships.
You know exactly who you are. You have made the difference.
Thank you.

2011-12-19T20:17:00.000-08:00

A fellow Gambian PCV produced this documentary.

It sums up my two-month stint,
as well as what the other volunteers are accomplishing in The Gambia.

Thank you, Marta.

In Between

2011-12-15T20:14:00.000-08:00

A quick Google images search of "in between" informed me that many musicians can relate to the phrase. There are countless album and songs containing that title. [That was for free.]

Between The Gambia & Jamaica

The past two months of being back in California have been a weird in-between.

So weird, in fact, that I search for words to describe what life's like now.

I have grown tired of communicating my short Peace Corps stint.

I've come to the rude realization that I will never be able to recall every last miraculous detail in any one given story-telling situation. Those miracles are what really matter.

No one I know will fully understand or be able to relate to what I went through.
(A special thanks to my fellow med evacs: Christy, Sharon, Pete, & Jessica, for coming close.)

I'm not a big deal to my medical doctors here in California.
Just another chart number and appointment on the books.

To the people who have asked
"Are you sure you want to go to Jamaica and continue service in Peace Corps?"
No, I'm not sure. Thanks for bringing up my insecurities.

There are no creative ways to tell people that I'm a successful college graduate living at home again.
I love my parents. It's not them...it's me.

I'm slowly understanding how messed up my body really is,
and wonder if my health will ever be the equivalent of what it was pre-Africa.

All this in-between can get pretty discouraging when I lose sight of the goal.

The theme of Philippians 3 is having no confidence in the flesh, pressing on toward the goal.

My flesh is weak (as if I needed to be reminded), and my goal is Christ.

Onward.

Saint Nicholas

2011-12-05T22:11:00.000-08:00

No child really understands what they have in their family lines until they are cultured and mature enough to realize it later in life. Such is the case for me. My paternal grandmother is a born-and-raised German who moved here after she married my grandfather in 1958. She not only brought her thick accent and some wooden cooking spoons, but also her German holiday traditions.
Thus, I grew up celebrating Saint Nicholas Day.

Every December 5th eve, my sisters and I would run to find the biggest shoe possible to set outside our bedroom doors. We knew, without a doubt, that St. Nicholas would visit us in our slumber and fill our shoe with a new pair of socks, chocolates, and perhaps a small toy. One year I was even adamant that more goodies could be stuffed into a sandal than a regular sneaker. It goes without saying that we were always jealous of the size of Dad's shoe.

Saint Nicholas was the only son born to wealthy, Christian parents in Asia Minor. His parents died when he was just a lad, and he was raised by his uncle (also by the name of Nicholas). It is reported that Nicholas was interested in religious studies from an early age. He had a reputation for secret gift-giving such as putting coins in the shoes of those who left them out for him. The legend of Santa Claus evolved from the habits of Saint Nicholas.

There are a few weird legends reported about Saint Nicholas as well.
Catholics and Orthodox Christians have different views on his importance as a human.

My parents have instilled the tradition of Saint Nicholas in me.
After I moved away to college I would get a "St. Nicholas" package every first week of December.
And yes, my shoe is set outside my bedroom door tonight.

Though shoe-filling in our family is a mere tradition,
we can all be inspired by the memory of the man who secretly gave gifts.

...and then I found my camera.

2011-11-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

One of these days I will write my story in narrative form. Until then, here's a little snipit.

After being told that I was leaving my country to be med evac'd to Dakar, Senegal, I had a few moments to decide what to bring with and what to leave. When I packed my small backpack to leave site for Kombo the day before, I had zero plans of being in the city for more than a few days, let alone another country for a week. Fortunately, I had stashed some things in my wooden locker at the PC Transit House. Driver John swung by the med unit to check on me (as he had declared me as wife #74), and I convinced him to drive me the normal walking distance to pick up those clothes. In my state of deliriousness, I chose to pack clothes over computer and electronics. Later, on second thought, I even stashed some personal belongings in a dresser drawer back in the med unit. I had a return plane flight for a week later, anyway.

When it became clear that I would be in Dakar, Senegal for more than a week, I became increasingly upset that I had left my computer and camera in The Gambia. I made instant friends with most PCVs that traipsed in and out of the med hut in Dakar. My team of doctors in Dakar will forever be a special part of my life. Visiting with Miss Amy Bei was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But mostly, not having pictures with my Lebanese family in Dakar is the most saddening thought.

When I arrived in Washington, DC, my sister brought me a device with a camera on it. Thus, I was able to take low-quality snapshots of noteworthy (and not-so-noteworthy) things there. I was ever thankful for the ability to document life (and life-changing) experiences through visuals again. However, this gap of no visual documentation still annoys me to no end.

While I was in DC, the other med evacs and I got wind of a volunteer in who was in the hospital at Georgetown. Christy, my DC roommate, was able to correspond with this particular PCV and we arranged a time to visit her in the hospital. Three of us girls walked through beautiful Georgetown on a fresh, fall day, ready to encourage and visit with the mystery wounded PCV. We walked into the hospital, found the room, and were intimidated by the signs demanding that her particular room be kept sterile at all times. As we quietly crept in, there was Meghan. My site mate. One of the last people I was with in The Gambia, now in a hospital bed with her entire right leg wrapped in bandages, complete with a vacuum attached. IV medications dripped into her as she sat further up, looked at me and said, "I know I know you from somewhere...."
"Meghan! I'm your site mate!" I thought she had suffered brain injury on top of whatever was going on with her leg.
"Kate! I thought you were in Dakar!"
"I was! But I came here two weeks ago!"
There were introductions between other med evac's, exchange of health stories, rants about PC politics, and an overall shock factor. It was a very nice visit, given the circumstances. We left her with the promise to bring Chipotle the next day for lunch.

And then I found my camera. I was actually shuffling through my faithful little backpack looking for my passport when I opened up a discreet pocket, and the shiny silver casing of the electronic shone up at me with a mocking glimmer. I yelled at the sight, not really sure of relief or devastation. Regardless, I immediately turned it on to see what picture was taken last on it, and this is what glared on the screen:

That's Meghan. My site mate. She and my other site mate, Catherine (taking the picture) were introducing me to "cafe toubib," a type of coffee that Senegalese people brew. It's like the coffee form of bush tea, for all you seasoned Gambians. We are sitting at the weekly market near Catherine's village. And yes, there is a camera-shy Senegalese man hiding behind Meghan. (Note: Our villages are very close to the southern border of The Gambia; therefore, Senegalese merchants were common in our weekly markets.)

I left Meghan's hospital room with an entirely new perspective on being a PC med evac. This picture only ties in the ironies of the whole experience. Someday, I'll write about the rest of it.

Take Two

2011-11-17T10:40:00.000-08:00

The City of Trees

2011-10-30T14:25:00.000-07:00

Growing up, I never understood how Sacramento earned the title, "The City of Trees."

Now that I've lived elsewhere, I completely understand. There are a lot of trees here. Tons. My dad has over 40 on his little 1/2 acre plot alone.

I arrived safely home this past Wednesday. My parents pretty much refuse to let me do anything except recover, and it's proven to be good for my soul and body. I attended church for the second time in 4 months this morning.

Culture shock has not effected me very much, but I'm having trouble making choices. In Africa, there are just not very many choices. It's either eat rice or don't eat at all. Read a book or go and chat with whoever is around. The most choices I had to make happened while listening to my iPod.

I am still uncertain of what the next few months hold. My life has changed so much in the past 5 months that I am ready for whatever is next. My prayer is that I do not waste these months to come.

How it All Went Down:

2011-10-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

Because I know you are all curious, here are the "bullet points":

Wednesday, September 7th:
- out all afternoon at weekly market with my site mates, Catherine & Meghan
- attended football (soccer) match in Meghan's village
- left match early to get home before dark
- frustrated that I was so tired bike riding only 3k (in the African bush)
- suspected fever when I got home because I knew it was hot outside and it felt good
- took temperature, well over 100F
- rapidly felt worse, fever continued to rise by the hour
- text messaged the duty medical officer, instructed to take ibuprofen, call next morning

Thursday, September 8th
- waited all morning to hear from medical officer
- finally call her; apparently she'd been trying but phone calls wouldn't go through
- convince her that I feel awful, fever still persisting, send Peace Corps transit
- PC driver Sam arrives at 3:30pm
- get back to city at 7pm, draw blood, see doctor
- spend night in med unit (air conditioned bedroom in health office)
- meet Dr. Ararat, regional medical officer from Senegal, who is filling in in The Gambia for a week
- Dr. Ararat spends night on couch in office waiting room = instant bond

Friday, September 9th
- wait all day for lab results, lab not quick enough
- develop itchy rash all over body and jaundice in eyes
- decision to medically evacuate me to regional medical office in Dakar, Senegal
- pack my small backpack (fortunately had my passport with me)

Saturday, September 10th
- arrive to PC office in Dakar at 4am, attempt to sleep
- meet MD after a few hours, draw more blood, have physical exam
- testing liver & kidney functions as well as for all sorts of viral infections
- sleep on and off throughout day, continue to itch and take tylenol to keep fever under control
- informed that I'll be at the PC office in Dakar until further notice*

*I was never hospitalized during this experience. The "Med Hut" in Dakar is a dormitory-like setup in their regional offices. There are 4 bedrooms, a commons area, a kitchen, and bathrooms across the hall from the MD's offices and exam rooms. There are always a few volunteers rotating in and out due to their own medical adventures. During my time there, I met PCVs with an array of things: 2 broken feet (different PCVs), stomach viruses/parasites, malaria, mid-service physical exams, et al)

Monday, September 12th
- ultrasound reveals normal pancreas, stomach, gallbladder, liver

Wednesday, September 14th
- fever finally stabilizes into normal range without help of meds
- rash and jaundice prevail
- continue to have lab work every 48-72 hours, keep returning negative for viruses
- another ultrasound reveals normal looking innards
- Senegalese specialist suspects allergic reaction to malaria prophylaxis
- start to build relationships with other 3 PCMOs (PC Medical Officers)
- start new malaria prophylaxis, discontinue use of previous one

Thursday, September 15th
- PCV friend Kim arrives from The Gambia to have her wisdom teeth removed
- Dr. Ararat comes back to her home post after filling in in The Gambia for a week

Saturday, September 17th
- high fever returns, bring down with ibuprofen
- start 3 days of stomach virus on top of whatever is going on

Wednesday, September 21st
- develop splitting headache on left side of head
- appetite returning, rash slowly healing

Sunday, September 25th
- meet first of my Lebanese family in Dakar: Mike, his wife, and 3 beautiful young daughters
- have ice cream after lunch and they drive me around the city

Monday, September 26th
- go to more Lebanese family's house in Dakar despite feeling exhausted
- spirits lifted beyond explanation to be around "family," and eat good Lebanese food

Tuesday, September 27th
- all but 1 PCMO leave country for 1 week for PC conference
- start taking antibiotic in the event that this is caused by infection

Thursday, September 29th
- wake up early to have NMRI done (basically an MRI) of my internal organs

Sunday, October 4th
- wake up with a personality; convinced that the 1st malaria prophylaxis altered my personality

Monday, October 5th
- Dr. Ararat informs me at 9am that I will be med evac'd to Washington, DC
- leave PC office at 8pm, fly to Paris

Wednesday, October 6th
- meet Ed on airplane from Paris to DC, associate director of safety & security for PC

Thursday, October 7th
- arrive to DC in afternoon, part ways with Ed after he sees that I will get to where I need to be
- staying at a hotel in Georgetown with about 6 other Med Evacs from all around world
- my job here is to attend doctors appointments and meet with PC Washington medical staff

Friday, October 8th
- meet with specialist in morning
- diagnosis until proven otherwise: drug-induced hepatitis from 1st malaria prophylaxis
- order more labs and that radiology films be read by US radiologist

Tuesday, October 18th
- waiting for follow up appointment with specialist's colleague
- continue to explore options for further PC service in a non-malaria region

On Asking "Why?"

2011-10-11T13:01:00.000-07:00

At one time or another, every adult finds themself in a life situation that leaves them with only one option: to throw their hands in the air, turn to the heavens, and ask God the inevitable, "WHY?" Some scream it over and over. Some whisper it through tears. Yet others repeat the question for days on end. Most, if not all of us, ask knowing fully well that we will never obtain satisfactory answers. Robyn's sister will never know why her baby son ceased living at seven months in the womb. Beau's parents will never know why he had to be the junior high boy struck by an oncoming car. For those who trust the Creator, the answer is simple: for God's glory. Joseph's life, Job's life, Daniel's life--let alone Christ's life--all bear witness to this reality. But just because the answer is simple does not mean that it is easy to understand.

After the situation requiring me to leave Africa, I am asking my own set of "Why?" questions.

Why did my body freak out?

Why would God provide so many amazing people, situations, and connections just for me to leave them three short months later?

Why did He bring me all the way there, have me suffer through what is supposedly the hardest part of Peace Corps service (training), and not have me finish the two years out?

Why am I being separated from the relationships that I have worked so hard to establish?

All the answers are unclear, save one: for God's glory.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." And I believe that. I trust it, though easier said than done.

I think God's purposes are not singular in purpose. Perhaps soem of them may be. But the more I think about possible answers to my own questions, the more I realize the plurality of options. Isaiah 55:8-9 reads:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I received news today that I will not return to Africa, I am returning home to California. After more than a month of being alarmingly ill, medically evacuated to Dakar, Senegal then to Washington, D.C. and being uncertain of cause and effect, I have come to grips with the reality that my body cannot handle the West African environment and its demands.

Though many emotions are running their course through my mind, the biggest emotion I have been wrestling with is sorrow. My heart is sad to leave Africa, though I never thought I would be confessing this out loud. Yes, the short time there was difficult. The most difficult three months I have ever experienced, illness or no illness. Mostly, I am sad to leave the many relationships that I established and were starting to take root.

The future is wide open again. For the time being, I will return to my parents in northern California and continue to recover. Options of starting service over in another region of the world are being explored. May God continue to receive all glory, praise, and honor.

Goodbye, The Gambia.

This is It

2011-09-02T17:02:00.000-07:00

The swearing-in ceremony was a bit like a typical American graduation ceremony.

It got started late, important people made speeches, our group repeated the oath,

we were presented with certificates, and then we danced for the crowd.

Here are a few pictures to wet your palette:

Meg, Abby, Me, & Uncle Jamil at fancy dinner a few nights ago. So thankful for this man!!

Hanging with cousins Ida & Binta during last moments in training village!

twin feet praying at Koriteh, the end of Ramadan

I was nominated to say Christian prayers at the beginning of the ceremony

"I, Kathryn Wright, do so solemnly swear..."

PC The Gambia Education Sector 2011 (with our PCVLeader)

Catherine, Katherine, Kathryn. That's right.

Tangle of Tears

2011-09-01T16:07:00.000-07:00

In and out of tears of joy, tears of sorrow, and tears of being overwhelmed, I have already learned so much in just two short months:

I have learned thatI'm not as independent as I once thought I was.

I've learned a new relationship with my Creator.

I've learned how to better take care of my friends who have chosen the long-term life overseas.

I have learned how to pray more effectively.

I have learned patience in a completely new way.

I have learned tolerance and acceptance of different worldviews.

I have learned how much I depend on material things, and how much I shouldn't.

I have learned a deep friendship from strangers and instant acceptance.

I have learned what it means to truly take care of someone.

And I don't doubt more lessons are to come.

Thankful Heart

2011-08-31T14:25:00.000-07:00

Because I'm a lists person (sorry, Emily), and because I need to be more thankful, here is my Gambian thankful list:

I, Kathryn Wright, am hereby thankful for the following after 2 months of service:

1. Quiet times with my Bible. Lots of it.
2. People who speak my native tongue.
3. Friends who I never would have met in the states.
4. Books I never would have read.
5. Good preachers: like John Piper, Pastor Bob, Pastor Tim.
6. My iPod.
7. Uncle Jamil.
8. Water filters.
9. Shorts that I can wear inside my hut.
10. Someone else doing my laundry (perfectly normal here).
11. Air conditioner.
12. Letters and care packages from America.
13. Emails that communicate everyday American life.
14. Sisters.
15. GMail chat and video chat.
16. My site mates in training village: Joe & Meg.
17. My future site mates: Catherine & Meghan.
18. Cookies.
19. Uncle Jamil. Again.
20. Rainbow flip-flops.
21. YOU!!

Geli Geli Experience

2011-08-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

I have debated the best way to communicate this post to you, my faithful reader. First of all, only those who have participated in a geli geli ride will ever truly be able to relate. But for the vast majority of you out there, I will attempt to explain my worst public transport experience through words and pictures here.

Yesterday, we had to travel back from site visit via public transport. We all traveled with a current PCV (mine was Catherine, my site mate). The mode of transportation is called a geli and is basically a 3rd world 15-passanger van. But bigger. And with a roof rack. And it could have, any given day, up to 20+ people, small children, any array of luggage, livestock, and chickens. Plus a driver.

You can't see from this view, but there are 6 full-grown sheep up top.

Catherine got the luck of the draw from her village and bought 4 tickets in advance for the 3 of us trainees she was picking up on the way to the city. This is a big deal because geli's don't depart until they are full. Absolutely full. Half the battle is waiting for one to fill up so you can depart. Catherine called shortly after 8am and told me to head to the main road. I waited out there with about a 12-child posse, and received a text from Catherine that they were loading sheep on top of the geli, they would be a few more minutes.

Some of the gang (some kids scatter at the camera)

Finally she got to me, I hopped on, and we were off to Soma to pick up Kim. The drive there took about 20 minutes on paved road, no problem. After squeezing Kim in, we hit the road and heard a huge SNAP. The driver, whom Catherine has used before and says is the best one she's encountered, decided to stop and see what happened. Catherine said that normally, the driver would keep going until the car stops running. We went to the local "garage" (which was really just someone's compound who had a set-up for welding) and piled out. There was a snapped shock/spring thing on the front driver's side. It's the same part that Ted has that was squeaking for so long. Catherine, who kinda knows her way around cars, had never seen the part. I told her my dad's '91 Ford Ranger had them. The men proceeded to make the part, FROM SCRATCH, using scrap pieces of metal.

They were using a hand-turned bicycle wheel thingy to blow air onto the coals, setting the metal on it to heat hot enough to pound with a hammer. You can't see it in the picture, but the ends are all curled up into each other, too. They proceeded to pour hot tar down the middle to hold everything together. It was THE most incredible thing I've seen yet. Two hours later, we were back on the road, due west. The unpaved road.


South Bank Road due west from my village. Sorry, no pic of the unpaved portion.

The roads here are something else. The North Bank Road is completely paved, from Banjul to Basse (capital city to biggest city in the east), and the South Bank Road has yet to be completed. (Side note: my village, Donogor Ba is about 25k east of Soma.) The portion of road starting at Basse and working east was completed recently (past year), and the road is really nice. That's where I am. But the one coming from the other side is only about 1/2 way done. So when it's raining, the dirt is even worse. We still had one more girl to pick up off the dirt road and the poor thing was waiting at the police station near her village for hours because of our delay. It was raining pretty hard. We finally got to her at about 2pm and finished out the dirt road.

Remember that it's raining. And those sheep on top? There were also 2 baby sheep inside that were crying the entire time for their mama who was on top. It was deafening, between the crying sheep, rain, and dirt road. Then we got a flat tire. Since it was raining, the geli driver's apprentice changed the flat. With everyone and everything still in the vehicle. I was impressed that it took him only 20 minutes. At this point, I figured things couldn't get much worse. Boy, was I wrong. Remember, this is a developing country. The main door was hanging on by a thread, and there was a gap with no seal. Which let rain water in. That wasn't so bad. I was the 2nd person in from the window. But when the livestock up top decided to relieve themselves, we had the rain water washing their pee and poo in on us. It was THE MOST DISGUSTING thing I've ever experienced. Poor Catherine and Kim who were sitting behind me and the guy sitting next to me got the worst of it all. It was gross. And it lasted for another 2 hours. We finally ended up in the city and stopped for dinner at about 5:30pm. Ironically enough, the other volunteers who were twice as far arrived at the exact time, and it was providence that we all ended up at the same restaurant for dinner. Washing my hands and arm has never been more of a relief.

I spent the night in the medical unit again. I was supposed to have made it back early enough to see a shoulder surgeon to get a specialist opinion on my left shoulder. Obviously, I did not. So he was going to be back in the morning, and the PC doctor said I could spend the night in the med unit (which is like heaven here) if I wanted since it was an early appointment (9am). Of course I took him up on it. He said there was another girl staying (there's 2 beds), and when I got there, she was a girl I had been in contact with but had not yet met. Her name is Kate, too, and she and her husband are in the western region. It was so sweet to spend the night with her. After chatting and showering (with hot running water!), and her finishing dinner, we watched 1/2 of the movie 10 Things I Hate About You because the rest was scratched & wouldn't play. Then we watched Becoming Jane and fell asleep.

I woke up and had 2 hours of quiet bliss on the couch (sound like heaven yet?) with my Bible and a handful of style magazines. I saw the specialist shortly after 9, and I really like him. He's an old doctor who said he had planned on retiring years ago, but the duty keeps calling him back. He's Gambian, but his vocational calling reminded me a lot of my dad's mentor, Alan Casebolt. He's here for the need. He said that I'm experiencing tendonitis and does not really think there's anything severely wrong. He ordered an x-ray to rule out bone spurs and a couple of different blood tests for things I can't remember. He wants to check some levels that measure inflammatory properties that might be irritating the inflamed joint. I will get those tests done on Monday.

Friday is our swear-in date, and so far, everything is still on schedule. I go back to training village for a couple of days this week to celebrate the end of Ramadan with my training village host family. I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'm glad to be going back. I miss the people there. It encourages me to think that I will, perhaps, feeling this way about my site family, too.

My House. In the Middle of the Street.

2011-08-27T16:03:00.000-07:00

View standing in front door, looking out back door.

My new house is (local) brick, plastered, painted white, with a thatch roof. The thatch keeps the place really cool, but encourages critters to live in there. It's probably a 10'x10' single room with 2 windows and 2 doors. There are screens on the windows and the doors have a screen door and I have really good cross-ventilation. My backyard is rather large, with plenty of room for a garden. There is a metal corrugate fence that gives me complete privacy. I have a pit latrine, which I really don't mind. I MUCH prefer it to a mediocre flush toilet. Because you never know if the water is working with a flush toilet here. Gross. Yes, there really are 3 wives, a dad, and a grandma. It's hard to tell which kids are the 10 of the family's 10 because so many people hang out in each others compounds all day. I have figured out at least 4 of the kids. And 3 of them are too young to even talk. It's going to be really different living with infants. Especially coming from training village with older kids. My new host father speaks good enough English, and the neighbor across the way, Hawa, speaks excellent English. She will probably be my go-to for now. I haven't busted the camera out at site yet, so be looking for pictures in the future!

More Pictures

2011-08-27T09:36:00.000-07:00

I have tons of words floating around in my head (and in emails) that need to be organized into thoughts. Until then, here are some more pictures for your enjoyment. (Disclaimer: None of these are different than the ones I uploaded to FaceBook. You can view even more through my profile there.)

Carrying Water Home

My Favorite Tree

Looking over the fence in my new home

Slowly, Slowly

2011-08-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

If Africa had a motto, it would be "Slowly, slowly." It's pretty much the answer for anything here in The Gambia. So in perfect spirits, here's a little more information you might be interested to know:

Since the last post I realized how few pictures I'm actually taking. I'll have to step that one up in the future. Part of it has to do with that I don't want to bust out all my electronics right away...you know, stay low profile and all.

Training isn't actually in Banjul. I'm living in a training village called Yuna (or Youna), which is about an hour and a half drive south of Banjul. I went to Banjul once to get a government ID card. Yup, I'm an official, legal alien here. Let's see. I will do my best to describe to you what's been going on since we've been here.

To learn the language, we all have Language & Culture Facilitators, or LCFs. We had class in the morning, break, lunch together, and more class most afternoons. They're teaching us language with some cultural things intermixed. It's the practical street vocabulary, like how to ask for help, how to get something made at the tailor, how to bargain, etc. We also have sessions as a whole team (where we ride our bikes to congregate to one village for the day or afternoon) about the actual job part of PC. And last week we had a big week where we preformed Model School. Basically PC asked the school in my village to pick the two 25 students from grades 5-8 to attend a week's worth of mornings of school. Each of the trainees were assigned classes to lesson plan for and teach. I taught 7th grade math 4 times and 8th grade PE once. It was a blast, and the point was to familiarize us with the Gambian school system. We had a few local teachers there to give feedback and portray a typical teacher, too. We all learned A LOT. But it felt good to be doing something purposeful. Up until now, it's been all about leaning the language and culture. No projects.

That's the 2nd biggest thing I've been struggling with. (The first being missing my family.) I have learned in this past week that sitting around doing nothing, or even reading a good book, brings zero satisfaction. What I've found to be much more effective is to sit and do things with the girls in my host family. I will just sit by them when they cook or do laundry. The everyday things to us take all day here: cooking over an open fire (kinda like cooking gourmet while camping) and doing laundry by hand in buckets. I think of my grandfather often and wonder if his life in pioneer AK was similar in any way, shape, or form.

Swear-in is still scheduled for September 2nd, though the actual plans have gone back and forth. Because it's the 50th year anniversary of PC, a lot of people at headquarters are making a big deal about the current programs. We get a special party just because we're the 50th anniversary swear-in group. And they've been doing a lot of video taping, which I'm hoping will be available for people at home to see. I'll let you know what I hear when I hear it.

Next week we go for site visit Monday through Thursday. We're being transported to our sites and left with our new host families for the 4 days. The point is to kinda give us a taste of site, to meet the new host family, and to take inventory of what might be there. There have been 4 volunteers in my new house previously, so my hopes are high that they've left some major stuff for me. All I know about my future host family is that there are 15 people in the compound: 10 kids, 1 grandma, 1 dad, and 3 wives. One of the previous volunteers was so close to the family that they've already been back to visit. I have high hopes for a good relationship with them. That's all I know so far.

My future site's area's capital city is called Soma, which is about 25k from my site. My computer friend, Kim, will be there, and the folks from my area bike there usually every Saturday to use the internet and drink a cold drink. It's hopeful that I'll have internet access about once every week or two. We'll see once we get there. Though I'm ready to cross that bridge, that bridge isn't ready for me.

I hurt my left shoulder while sleeping the first week in training village, coming up on 6 weeks now. Our post's medical doctor did some basic motor tests the other day and said that I'd have to see the specialist. It's definitely not the same that I had with my right shoulder in high school. The good news was that the specialist was going to be in the office the next day to see someone else. But the specialist didn't show. Typical. It hurts to move it in certain ways, but not debilitating. I just have to make sure to keep on the doctor to keep me posted on the specialist. It's the waiting game now.

If a Picture is Worth 1000 Words...

2011-08-18T00:28:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is a boy following a dog. On top of an 8-foot wall.

Sunset from inland

Helping to roast cashew nuts. It's a lengthy process!

Beautiful girl


At our African Naming Ceremony: Joe, Meg, & me

Team (minus 2) bike ride to the beach!

My training village host mother, Hawa, at the naming ceremony

Tang, Jon Pray. In baggies. Must I say more?

The gang at the naming ceremony.

My new best friend.

Helping to make rolled coos at a marriage ceremony.

My host sister, Gibbeh, during the first major rainstorm.

Ida Problem (named by her mother), carrying her monkey like a little mother.

...then multiple pictures must leave you speechless.

Keep Your Chin Up & Walk Slowly

2011-08-16T11:16:00.001-07:00

I have learned these are the first two rules of carrying a bucket of water on your head. The third and fourth: leave 3-4 inches from the brim, and use a barrier to pad the crown of your head. Forsaking these rules results in water down your back, a bruised head (which you won't discover until the next time you try), or a sloppy mess all over the place. The last, and perhaps most important, rule is: know your limit. Personally, my limit is the 5-gallon bucket. I cannot carry anything more. I think about these rules every day on my way back and forth to the tap. These rules cross over into rules for life in Africa, too.

Keeping my chin up during the first month here was a constant reminder to look to Christ. Literally, I stare at the stars and the moon every night. Some months before I left, my mama wrote an extensive email that answered my question of how she felt about me leaving for two years. At the end of it, she wrote that I could look up at the stars every night and know that she was looking up at the same stars. We're still serving the same God, in different times zones, on opposite sides of the world. I look at the stars for what seems like hours every night. And I think of my mama. The pain of missing my family trumps everything. I have never experienced or even imagined such emotional pain. Page after page of my journal is filled with empathy to the Psalmist as he cries to God for comfort. God is faithful, and though the pain of missing my family will probably never leave, I have found a deeper affection for the Lord and His Word. God is my sustainer.

My host sister and I left the compound with buckets swinging in hand. I felt the scorching sun burn the back of my neck and was ready to spend at least 15 minutes greeting the women and gossiping at the tap (modern-day well). The big day had arrived. I was finally going to learn how to carry a bucket of water on my head. The notion used to seem so other-world, but now it's a matter of economics. Busso, my host sitter (whom I have been named after), let me fill my meager bucket first. After hers was washed and filled we set off, buckets balanced carefully. I took off on a running start and promptly sloshed a good gallon out of my bucket. Fortunately, it landed only on my feet. She laughed at me and told me that I walk too fast. Walking slowly is one of my pet peeves in America. Perhaps because my father has legs the length of California, perhaps it was always my competition to be in the front. Either way, I've learned to walk slowly here. Sometimes it still bothers me, especially when I think of all the time that's being wasted. But relationships tend to run deeper when you walk slowly. It allows time for conversation, for kids to run to tag along, for stops along the way to greet someone and ask how their day is. The heat practically demands it of you, anyway. (I get it now, Heather. I get it all.) I have a lot to learn from walking slowly.

Before coming to Africa, I thought I knew my limits. I thought I knew myself. That completely changed the morning I left my parents and little sister standing at the bottom of the terminal in the Sacramento airport. Emotions have rarely been difficult for me to handle. Until Africa. I cried every day the first five weeks of leaving home. Even meeting someone named Awa sprung tears to my eyes, because in the early years of language development I called my big sister Sarah by Awa. I thought I knew my limits of being around people. Our team of 13 is small but strong. Not only is there great talent, wisdom, and experience among us, but we are a tightly knit group. We spent the first week of culture shock together, then were separated into training villages according to our individual language assignments. I am studying Pulaar with two others, and I have never felt the need to be around my village and teammates like I have recently. My two village mates have seen all the sides of me I didn't even know existed. One afternoon I bolted from my house and showed up at Joe's with tears in my eyes. Five simple words escaped my lips, "I have to get out." After taking one look at me he replied, "Wanna go for a walk?" I was (and still am) so thankful for him. I move to permanent site in about 2 weeks. My closest site mates are 2k and 5k away. I am most anxious about being more than 300 yards away from another toubob (two-bob; white person).

There is no one in Africa who knows me. I mean, really knows me. At this point, they mostly know what I want them to know. But that will change. That is changing. I've heard that working for the Peace Corps is the "hardest job you'll ever love," and that the people here will know you inside and out by the time service is over. Yes, this is already the hardest job I've encountered. I have yet to love it. God is constantly peeling away the layers of my pride and my independence from Him. He has provided a small network of believers, with only our faith and our cell phones to connect us.

I apologize for the lack of communication thus far. I had no idea how difficult it would be to stay in touch. Again, I am being stripped. In the meantime, I am holding my chin up and walking slowly. Onward.

First Day of Training

2011-07-01T12:25:00.000-07:00

There was a family in my class last year who used to have standard dinnertime sharing where every member shared 3 things about their day:

1. the highlight

2. the lowlight

3. how they shared the Gospel that day

After I got back from a full day of administrative and logistical accomplishments, a current PCV asked me something similar:

1. the happy

2. the cra***

3. the awkward

Those little connections to familiarity are really appreciated.

I decided to make that the usual template for the time being.

So here we are:

1. The Highlight: Waking up this morning to the birds and the sun rising, especially after a restful night of sleep, was wonderful. I started taking malaria pills last night. Since I am on the strongest ones that oftentimes cause vivid dreams as well as insomnia, I was particularly thankful. There's just something wonderful about waking up with the morning, too. His mercies are new every morning.

2. The Lowlight: As mentioned above, the day was full of logisitcal and administrative meetings, cell phone issues, banking accomplishments, and the sort. The worst part was fighting jet lag tiredness in a hot room while sitting through another round of seminars. Most of us had to fight dozing off. Additionally, receiving round 1 of a Rabies vaccination was not particularly enjoyable. I'm sure it's preferred over the disease, though.

3. How I shared the Gospel: I shared my Bible reading plan with another girl today. She saw me reading my Bible and was pretty surprised that I read it every day. Every. Day. I recently started Dr. Horner's "10 Lists" routine, which helps keep me pretty accountable. There's definitely plenty of down time to "fit" it all in.

And, just for free, here's a little update I've been sending to a few:

Well, it's HOT here. You think SC is hot. Add humidity and you're in Gambia weather. Supposedly this is the rainy season and it's supposed to downpour like it does in the midwest, but we've only had but a sprinkle this afternoon. There's only 13 members on my team, and they've told us we're the "cream of the crop" beacuse budget cuts took away 12 of the regular 25-member team size. The good news for us is that we'll get the top sites to be assigned to.

Today was the 1st official day of training, and it was pretty much all logistical and business stuff. We're staying in what's called the "Transit House" one more night, then we'll move about 45 minutes away to live on a compound for 4 days. After that we'll be assigned a temporary host family (based on the language of the region we've been assigned) and we'll finish our training with that family. Then there's a whole procedure to moving to your more permanent site. Our training will be shorter than most because the school year starts in mid-September and they want us on site before that starts.

Memories and thoughts of PNG are usually with me at all times, but I actually see and feel them a lot more here. It might be attributed to me, too, being in a foreign place again.

Hopefully this will hold you over until my next unplanned internet access time.

Words for Thought

2011-06-16T21:45:00.000-07:00

"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
You are My friends if you do what I command you.
No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing;
but I have called you friends,
for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you."

- Jesus, from John 15:13-15

And a little bit of sharing time with Oswald:

"It is far easier to die than to lay down the life--day in and day out--with the sense of the high calling...If I am a friend of Jesus, I have to deliberately and carefully lay down my life for Him...Salvation is easy because it cost God so much, but the manifestation of it in my life is difficult...Stand loyal to your Friend, and remember that His honour is at stake in your bodily life."

Harder to Stay

2011-06-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

I almost titled this post "Easier to Leave." Almost.

The most popular comments I've received in response to joining the PC and going to west Africa are something along the lines of,

"Oh, you are brave.

I could never do that.

I admire someone like you."

And while I haven't thoroughly thought through it, my knee-jerk, raw response is that the comments are all just mumbo-jumbo to me. Since it's a sleepless night, you get to benefit from my unfiltered thoughts.

Quite frankly, I hold the position that it's harder to stay.

Sure, I'm leaving convenience, comfort, and familiarity. I'm moving to a place that I've never been to and can only infer from others experiences about daily living. I don't speak the local language, and I will stick out like a weed among lilies. Loneliness is hard enough of a battle here; it will only intensify there. The likelihood of being connected to a local body and strong fellowship is realistically slim.

But, for the time being, I'm over it. Stay posted: I'll probably eat these words in 6-8 months.

Last night I stayed past midnight talking with a couple from church. We mostly talked about missions (local and cross-cultural) and making a difference with the resources, gifts, and tools that we've been given. In places where it's most needed.

Switchfoot wrote, "When success is equated with excess the ambition for excess wrecks us."

The constant question in the back of my mind is, "What is all this for?" What am I doing with what I've been given? What is the end goal?

We are all wonderfully and fearfully made. And differently.

I understand what you're trying to communicate. And yes, I agree, that transitioning to the life of no electricity or running water, parasites galore, and limited access to those who are most important to me is not going to be a stroll down Easy Street.

But who cares in the light of eternity?

I have no intention of being prideful or rude. I am above no one. God has created us fearfully, wonderfully, and differently. May we all cling to Him and follow confidently where He is leading our individual lives.

Just as I'm getting frustrated

2011-05-25T15:33:00.000-07:00

I receive wise words from someone who's gone before me:

The unknown is a tricky thing, but if people explained everything to you, you would likely find that it was simply their perspective and not necessarily accurate for you anyway.

The Story

2011-04-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

Here is the story of my Peace Corps assignment and acceptance. I'm just copying and pasting from an email I sent a couple of weeks ago.

I am writing to update you, either as a friend or a family member, about what's next in life. Most of you are aware that I have been in the process of applying with the Peace Corps for the past 14 months. To those of you who have been blindly unaware, I'm sorry to just be breaking the news to you! I am writing to let you know that I finally received an official offer in the mail yesterday! I have not kept very good track of what I have told to whom, so sorry if you already know the following information.

I've been offered a position in The Gambia. It's a tiny country that's surrounded by Senegal in West Africa. I will be in a position of elementary teacher training in a country where there is 40% literacy ages 15 and up. School ends after 8th grade. Teaching resources are scarce and limited. Though there is no declared national religion, I've been informed that the nationals are predominantly Muslim, and the Islam rituals and culture are a major part of the education system. The climate is tropical and the industry agriculture and tourism.Throughout this whole process of applying and thinking through if this is really what God wants right now for me, I've had two major fears/reservations: safety and loneliness.

Upon receiving this offer, I called a family friend who is all up in politics (due to the nature of his job). I told him a couple of weeks ago that I wanted his honest opinion about wherever the PC placed me. He gave me a quick run-down of The Gambia's political and cultural history, and his response was, "Well, it's not the worst place you could go." I wasn't sure how to respond to that one. He informed me that the American military has a presence there, which offered a sense of comfort. Then he mentioned that he has a friend who has connections in The Gambia & would put me in contact with them. Additionally, he promised to contact his friends at the Pentagon and see if there's any information I should know that isn't necessarily public information. Duh. Why didn't I think of calling friends at the Pentagon?!

So here's the climax of the story. Not even ten minutes within hanging up with him the friend called. His name is [censored]. [Censored] has an uncle who has businesses in The Gambia and Senegal. He has extended family and a place to live there, too. In fact, his uncle is in The Gambia right now attending a family wedding. Basically, [censored] told me to consider them, effective immediately, my family also. He did most of the talking, about how they will have me stay with them whenever I need, that if I am ever in an emergency, they are there for me, and if the PC or the Embassy isn't doing their part to keep me safe that his family will be there in a heartbeat. He pretty much gave me no other option than to be considered one of them.

I am still processing all that he proposed. And beyond that, how God truly does provide. In the midst of being submerged in Hebrews 11 with church, I cannot begin to compare myself with Abraham and his situation on Mt. Moriah with Isaac, but I think the underlying principle is the same: trust where God is leading, and He will provide. In Abraham's case, God provided the perfect sacrifice. In my case, I'm still not sure all that He is providing, but for starters, He is providing peace and assurance.

Quietly Searching

2011-04-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

Jessica was my first best friend. We became friends in fourth grade when she invited me to her birthday party. It was my first friends sleepover party. I matured in a lot of ways that year, and Jess was with me every step of the way. We became 3rd and 5th daughters to each others families. We stayed friends through elementary school, became bratty pre-teens through junior high, and gradually grew apart in the middle of high school. Eventually, Jess and I found different desires in life. As we moved on into college and post-college our communication dwindled to the annual birthday card in the mail. However, her friendship was not something that quickly left me. As God would have it, we have become close friends again. Though 450 miles separate us geographically, there is not much on earth that can separate our memories, hurt feelings, first boyfriends, lame school dances, and a sense of belonging.

Recently her mom wrote a response to my going to The Gambia (have I mentioned Gambia yet?). In it she said, "I know you've been quietly searching your heart for what you feel God wants you to do." Thank you, Victoria. That's exactly what I've been doing. Now the time has come. Time to be faithful.

I said my first goodbye today

2011-04-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

while wandering through the administration buildings at Master's College. I was merely trying to find a shortcut to the library since the whole front of the campus is under construction. Instead of finding an alternative route I found an old friend.

He was one of my college orientation leaders almost 6 years ago. We finished school together and have, more or less, only kept in touch through friends and the occasional social gathering. I started telling him about the process I've been in for the past 14 months with applying for the Peace Corps and how God has worked through every detail of it. Before I knew it, he jumped out from behind his executive-looking desk and gave me a hug, saying "goodbye" for the next 2 years. I was a little surprised, but thankful for the friendship.

Most people think 2 years sounds like a lifetime. Maybe it's just me, but 2 years sounds like enough time just to get started. Don't quote me on that; I will probably regret those words. Nonetheless, I'm looking forward with anticipation to the next 2 years.

More to come...

Life & Death

2011-03-24T14:38:00.000-07:00

I saw a man die last night. I was driving on my way to church and the car in front of me plowed over a man in the crosswalk on a bicycle. I don't think they saw each other. I pulled over & called 911. The guy on the bike was DOA. It was so sobering.

The man who hit him was in shock; seemed like an average nice guy just not paying attention. I stayed for about an hour in the cold, it had stopped raining by then. The police took our information and I left as the ambulance took the body away. All I could think about were each of the men's eternal states. The man who died: did he know? Did anyone tell him about Christ? Did he believe? And the man who hit him. Did he know that he's forgiven? That there's hope in this broken world?

I don't know why I am surprised at the ways that God correlates our lives with those around us. I got to youth group late, and as I walked in they were singing the song "Walk by Faith" by Jeremy Camp. It's powerful, especially after facing the realities of death. Then the study was from 1 John about worldliness, and how you can't love the world and love Christ.

One of my girls poured out her thoughts to me last night. She's faced death this week, too. She goes to a school where a 19-year old alum had just been killed in war in Afghanistan. She knew him, had had classes with him. She's confused and upset. We're both clinging to the Lord through the ways we've been effected.

My mood matches the weather: gloomy with bursts of sunlight. I can't get the images of last night out of my mind. Part of me wants to recoil and get away and think. The other part of me wants to shake the nonChristians around me and beg for them to believe in Christ. Neither is very effective. At the end of the day, I am ever more thankful for my own assurance of salvation, and I have been reminded in a tangible way that our bodies are only temporary.

First Day of Lent

2011-03-09T17:16:00.000-08:00

I skipped mass this morning in lieu of spending time in the sunshine with my Bible and God.

How refreshing solitude is!

Just the first day of giving up "extras" in the schedule has been difficult! As the Lord would have it, I have been asked to do many things later in the week: dinner with a friend, setting a "Leprechaun Trap" (as has been tradition with a family we both know well) on March 16, coffee with my Nature Mom friend, babysitting for a family at school, meeting with a doctor in town to seek advise about medical school, and the list goes on.

Fighting for solitude is going to be a lot harder of a battle than I had anticipated.

I suppose that's the point.

Why Lent?

2011-03-07T20:21:00.000-08:00

"A journey, a pilgrimage!
Yet, as we begin it, as we make the first step into the "bright sadness" of Lent, we see--far, far away--the destination.
It is the joy of Easter, it is the entrance into the glory of the Kingdom."

- Alexander Schmemann

Day after tomorrow, March 9, marks the first day of Lent in this year's Liturgical Calendar. For the first time since high school, I am going to observe the liturgical calendar event of Lent. I am well aware that Lent has a lot of Catholic baggage that comes with it, but I have other convictions for participating this year.

In Lent, we have a time of self-examination, listening, preparation, and repentance. It is important that we have 40 days to give to this vital work. We give little space in our world to this kind of attention, particularly to thinking about the gravity of our sin. At least, I do. This is why Lent involves choosing some discipline--an ordered way to obey the Spirit's voice in our life and to identify with Jesus' 40 days fasting in the wilderness, where Jesus wrestled with temptation and heard from the Father. We, too, must wrestle with temptation. We, too, are desperate to hear from the Father.

However, the focus of Lent is not on us or our sin. The focus is on Jesus. The focus is on mercy and renewal. Repentance leads us to the joy found in forgiveness. As Bobby Grass said, "In the solitary sojourn, we turn away from our sins and temptations and toward God and his great mercy." This is why the 40 days of Lent do not include Sundays. There are 46 days from Ash Wednesday to Easter. Each Sunday we break our fast. Each Sunday is a mini-Easter.

The point of a discipline is not to prove you can do something hard or to show God how serious a Christian you are. Rather, the point of a disciple is to allow a way to practice what God is calling you into--or what God is calling you out of. A discipline is a response to the work of God's Spirit in your heart. Lent is probably most well-known for its sacrificial aspect, for the giving up of something in one's life. I have been given a list of questions and things to consider, so I will share them with you:

- For generosity, you could give away $10 each week of Lent.
- For simplicity, you could say "no" to all but essential appointments and duties.
- For solitude, you could cut off the internet and phone each day at 6 pm.

For discerning a discipline:
- How is Jesus prompting you into deepened intimacy and daily communion with him?
- What do you find yourself addicted to?
- How do your addictions (sins) keep you from the Lord and from living with freedom?
- Are you aware fo the ways you try to manage your life on your own?
- What does repentance look like for this season?

What have I chosen? I have chosen simplicity. Being quiet and still is something that I desire yet have a difficult time accomplishing. I'm a mover and a shaker. Time is of the essence. Time spent with God is vital. Will this be difficult? Yes. Will the discipline result in closer communion with God? That's the goal. Do not take it personally if I turn down requests. Pray with me through this season of Lent.

Sojourn

2011-02-26T08:55:00.000-08:00

I must share this band with you. Must.

Top 5 reasons to hear me out:
5. They use a trumpet among other obscure traditional instruments.
4. Your cool factor will instantly go up because it's so trendy to listen to undiscovered recording artists.
3. Support yer local Christian band.
2. You will probably not find such excessive musical talent in any one unprofessional recording group.
1. The lyrics they write are so theologically profound that sometimes I think I'm listening to hymns of old.

Convinced yet? You can stream their newest release off their website here.

Snapshots

2011-02-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

I've been inspired to take snapshots of something each day of my life.

I recently read about a guy who took a snapshot at exactly the same time each day. That was cool. Unfortunately, my life is pretty redundant in this season, and I figured that if I took a picture at the same time each day it could end up pretty boring. Instead, I will do my best to capture a moment of life each day.

Ideally, I want to post the snapshots each day.

Realistically, it might happen a few times a week.

Here is today's snapshot:

Homemade cinnamon rolls!

I used this recipe.

I am trying to find a recipe that I can do with my after school cooking classes.

I made a couple of alterations, like adding heavy cream and cream cheese instead of buttermilk.

And I spread chunks of butter on top of the cinnamon/sugar mixture, much like in a pie.

I did in fact have a taste (shocking, I know).

They were pretty delish.

And the best part was that it took less than 1 hour to make!

11 Thoughts for the "11" Day

2011-01-11T17:48:00.000-08:00

My school's secretary said as I walked in this morning, "Oh. That's weird. I just wrote the date. 1-11-11."

So, in honor of the number 11 today, here are 11 thoughts from my scattered brain:

1. Grooveshark
Has anyone else discovered this gem in the music-listening world? My sister introduced me to it over Christmas. It's kinda like Pandora meets your personal iTunes account. They have more eclectic music than Pandora and you can customize your playlist more than on Pandora. It took me a little while to get used to, and I'm still not sure if I have it figured out. Regardless, I'll be frequenting it more often! Thanks, sister!

2. Decorating
I got guilted into decorating our home's living room. Mainly, to put something up on the walls. I ended up making my own fabric photo bulletin board and sticking some neat scrapbooking paper in coordinating frames. It is very clean-cut with a hint of vintage. No promise, but pictures may follow in another post.

3. Winter Camp
This weekend is our annual high school youth ministry winter camp. I like to think of it like a paid mini vacation. Until I realize that I'm one of the responsible adults. Fortunately, we have a low-key, drama-free group of students going this year. We spend Friday night through Monday morning at camp worshipping the Lord through song, listening to a man speak the Truth of God, go on outdoor adventures, and have quality time with our students. We wrap the weekend up with snowboarding on Monday. Last year the weather drove us home early. I'm crossing my fingers for another snowboarding adventure this year.

4. Latin America
The more I think about it, the more I want to move to Latin America. What a culture! Do you think I'd fit in with my blue eyes and lack of Spanish knowledge?

5. Illness
So many sickies in my class today. Boy A was gone yesterday and then came late today. Boy B was fine until right after morning recess. He was hit with a wave of nausea that I could see in his eyes. Yuck. Then Girl A complained of chest pains and pneumonia-like symptoms halfway through the day. To top it all off, my co-teacher had to cancel our dinner plans because she was starting to feel ill! Personally, I'm working on building up my immunity to it all.

6. Sojourn Music
Is. Awesome. They're a church worship band from somewhere in the Midwest (I think). I first heard them on Noise Trade (an artist networking site). Their Christmas album cannot be beat. Cannot. I've tried. My current favorite of theirs is "Warrior." This is the best video I could find of it. Not only is this group super gifted in music, but their lyrics are significant and rooted deeply in theology. Support yer [not so] local worship band!

7. Kale Chips
Are a great way to enjoy another leafy green. I don't know where I got the original idea, but I make them with each batch of kale that comes in my box. And I eat the whole thing in one day. Normally I'd feel guilty. Not with this! To make: slice leaves of kale into bite-size pieces, discarding the thick stem. Toss in a bowl with a splash of olive oil and sprinkle of sea salt. Lay flat on a baking pan and bake until crispy, about 4-6 minutes. They are delish right out of the oven or after they've cooled. The taste and consistency slightly resembles seaweed. But not as sea-y.

8. Sarah's Wedding
My sister's wedding is in 2 weeks. And counting. I feel so useless as her maid of honor 350 miles away. She's not very good at wanting to delegate things to others, anyway. I am honored to be a part of her wedding and thrilled that she found a godly man to spend the rest of her days with, Lord willing.

9. Contentment
Blast contentment. It comes up frequently in conversations with other believers. I am discontent. I was thinking yesterday through praying for my heart and relationship with the Lord to change rather than praying for the circumstances He has me in to change.

10. The Gospel According to John
I've been reading through the Gospel of John with our church. As I was reading chapters 6 & 7 this morning I had the thought of how many times Jesus emphasized that "the hour/time has not yet come." I want to observe that more and understand on a deeper level what it means.

11. 11 Years Ago
I was 13 1/2 years old. I was in 8th grade. To this day, 8th grade was my favorite school grade. I had a cool group of friends, I was excelling at sports, and going regularly to youth group. I can't say that I was a Christian at this point in my life, but it was a pretty pivotal year in terms of the Lord softening my heart. My close friends were all non-Christian. I did dumb things and had almost reached the height of my rebellion toward my poor mom and dad. But I loved being at church and had a bunch of college-aged youth leaders who invested time in me. Goes to prove that attending church doesn't mean a thing without Christ as your motivation.

Happy Tuesday, blogging world.

Wherever You Go, You Take Yourself

2010-12-30T11:31:00.000-08:00

Skype is amazing. Truly, a gift from God.

I told Surrogate/Adopted Dad last night that it was the only thing that kept me sane toward the end of living in Papua New Guinea. There is a powerful difference between reading someone's typewritten, standard font words on a screen and their unique, personal sound waves as they resonate over their vocal chords into your attentive ears. Oh, to hear my sister's unsuspecting voice on the other end of the phone was a moment I will not easily forget. I think I might have wept tears of simple pleasure and joy.

Aside from the occasional chat with my sister (who is frequently on Skype in the midst of her long-distance engagement), Skype has been nearly eradicated in my life. Until this week. Dear friend Heather has called me not once, but twice! And the second time, dear friend Aimee was with her! It was like a 2-for-1 deal. Two friends, one video chat conversation. So many emotions, giggles, updates, prayer requests, teasing remarks, and fleeting moments of life were shared over the great thing called video chat.

One strand of commonality the three of us have shared since our initial friendship is college is that of a desire to see foreign people know the Lord. We have all had a desire to serve outside our own American culture, and Heather and Aimee are there right now. They're living the life that I envy ~~even though I know that it's mostly romanticized in my mind~~. We were revisiting my discontentment with current said life during our 17 minutes of video chat bliss this morning. They are on one side of the experience, me on the other. Heather said something that struck a chord in me, particularly meaningful coming from the other side of reality in real-time life. "Wherever you go, you still take yourself." You still take your sin. You still take your discontentment. You still take your "woe is me"'s. You still take your pet peeves and "the grass is always greener" attitudes. We talked about 100 reasons to be discontent in America versus 100 reasons to be discontent in Africa. They're different reasons, but the reality is that "wherever you go, you still take yourself."

The point is, though our circumstances change around us, our contentment lies not in those circumstances. Our contentment lies in our own self-pleasure with the Lord. Speaking on contentment, Alistair Begg says, "the key is in distinguishing between external circumstances and an internal relationship with God." Alistair reminds us, in light of Psalm 139, that our changing circumstances are to be viewed in light of what is true of God:

He made me (v 13)
He knows me (vv 1-5)
He hems me from behind and before (vv 5, 7-10, 15-16)
My times are in His hands (v 3)
He is always with me (vv 7-10)
He is favorably disposed to those who are His children (vv 17-18)

There's some food for thought.

Now that I've totally derailed from the original post topic and am horrible at writing conclusions...ONWARD.

Wise Men Relocation

2010-12-22T17:21:00.000-08:00

This is my mom's nativity scene. She hand-painted each ceramic figurine some time ago before marriage and children. She also crafted the manger from popsicle craft sticks. Vintage, I know.

But what she doesn't realize missing is....the three wise men.

They were relocated to the east.

Because the wise men were not present at Jesus' birth. It took them 2 years to get to Him.

Side note: No where in the Bible does it state that there were three wise men. That tradition comes from the fact that Christ was given three gifts (gold, frankincense, and myrrh) by the wise men who arrived.

So Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus, and the lone shepherd eagerly await the three wise men from this nativity set.

Ironic...or just plain sad?

2010-11-30T20:26:00.000-08:00

I own over 2,000 recorded songs through iTunes, and I continue to ignore them in light of Pandora giving me more of a "new variety." Is this a reflection of discontentment, of desiring that which I do not have? Or is it just an observation? I want to be careful to not be legalistic, but I think there's a thought to be processed here.

GREAT Idea!

2010-11-12T18:08:00.001-08:00

Yikes!!

2010-10-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

I officially mailed all my medical records to Washington, D. C. yesterday.

If I Weren't a Christian....

2010-10-02T17:53:00.000-07:00

....would I be a hippie?

Phil asked me this question a couple of nights ago. I laughed it off as visions of tree-hugging, long-hair and flowy-skirt going, government-protesting, animal rights activists flashed through my mind.

No.

I would not be a hippie if I weren't a Christian.

Then I told my "adopted" dad about this question. His reply was, "Of course you would be!"
Sheesh. His primary reason was that I "run around barefoot" all the time. What he doesn't know is that I usually see him after a full day of teaching in high-heels and HAVE to have some sort of relief for my poor feet....in the form of no shoes. And I only "run around barefoot" indoors, anyway. So there.

I didn't really pay attention to Phil's reasons for asking the question, but I think it has to do with my picky eating habits of mostly organic food.

So does that make everyone who eats organic an automatic hippie? I eat organic (and no sugar, grains, dairy, or legumes) for health reasons. I've read enough and experienced enough to conclude that the said above foods are no bueno for humans.

I especially don't like long skirts. Even cute ones like this:

And, though I think that having to take showers is annoying, I gladly do so out of respect for myself and others around me.

I'm not an environmental activist. Yes, I care about the earth, but I don't think that we're causing an epidemic of global warming. I do, however, think that we are mucking up the system that God provided us with. We are playing with and altering things that we weren't meant to. Genetically modifying foods and cloning live cells I am not such a huge fan of. Because we are trying to take life into our own hands. It's a stewardship issue to me. We're not being good stewards of what God has given us. I suppose that if I didn't have a Christian worldview, I would be a "hippie" in that sense. I appreciate the farm and feel like I can breathe better in the natural environment. God has given us all that we need for life and godliness! We don't need to add anything to it.

I actually really don't like animals. True story. I admire them, certainly. But I'm not one to "ohhh" and "ahhhh" at pictures of puppies and kittens. It probably all started with my ~~childhood~~ adulthood fear of dogs. And horses. My sisters were all up in the animal business. Not me. I was the only one who never wanted a dog as a kid and never took horse lessons at the riding stables down the street. Nope, too much risk of being mauled and hurt. I'll appreciate them from a distance, thank you very much. For what it's worth, even though this won't help my argument at all, I prefer bugs. Bugs are cool. Barely any of them can do you harm, and they're a tiny part of our ecosystem! My personal favorite is the rhinoceros beetle. We saw them all over the place in Papua New Guinea.

And geckos are pretty cool, too:

I ride my bike to work and for other occasional errands for the exercise factor. And because it saves gas in my car. If I'm going to go to work then go to the gym afterward, why not just ride my bike to and from work and cut the gym out later? We can kill faaaar too many birds with that stone. (Told you I don't like animals.)

I make my own clothes (sometimes) because I like to be original. And creative. In fact, I usually base my designs off of modern things I've seen by top designers and high-end fashion stores. Why pay more when you can make it for pennies? This girl has been the most recent inspiration.

One more thought. My sister was telling me about a War and Peace lecture course she took in college. One of the men chosen to lecture was an editor of a magazine. He lectured about keeping peace through sustainability. If each country is self-sustainable, his theory was that there would be no need for war. If any given people group can grow their own food, supply their own energy, and be self-reliant, then they're not depending on anyone else. They won't end up fighting with others that they're sharing with (because they're not sharing anything). He was so convinced of this that he put it into practice of his daily life. He did this by:

     - not owning a car (rode his bike almost everywhere and used public transportation when needed)
     - locavore in food choices (bought food only from within 100-mile radius of his house)
     - bought goods second-hand or from companies he knew were sustainable
     - used renewable resources

Hearing about this man's lifestyle was rather inspiring. Would you call him a hippie? Probably not. Just a conscious consumer. Who is doing us all a favor. I want to be like him. I want to be a good steward of what God has given me. I want to be wise with the resources that are in my direct (and indirect) care. Because of my love for the Lord.

Ok, Phil. You win. I would probably be a "hippie" if I weren't Christian. A non-pot smoking, shoe-wearing, and showering hippie. I might even have a hippie headband that I wear sometimes. Might.

Thinking

2010-09-21T19:42:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that almost a month has slipped by without a post. Goes to prove how much free time I schedule. Or how much brain activity is left at the end of the day.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I took a critical thinking math class in college and one of our first assignments was to write a paper on "thinking." It was a broad topic and didn't really have an outline. We just went at it. Whatever we wanted to write and research about thinking found its way into that assignment. I'm a thinker. Not always in a positive way, and it leads me to over analyze situations (which I then further analyze) at times. And one time when we were little my sister got upset with me and told me that I think too much. I still haven't forgotten that one. Still wonder if I think too much.

I have waaaay to many thoughts to sit down and share, so here's a little glimpse of what's been consuming my thought life of recent:

About...

          ...parenting.
          ...quiet times in the morning.
          ...harboring bitterness in my heart.
          ...self-control.
          ....putting off sin and putting on righteousness.
          ...thankfulness for the Christians in my life.
          ...what it truly means to be a Christian (ie, salvation, sanctification, et al).
          ...Africa.
          ...this temporal life.
          ...finances and money.
          ...health.
          ...time management.
          ...priorities.
          ...speaking only half-truths.
          ...balance in professional and casual business relationships.
          ...bugs (yes, insects. They're so cool).
          ...South Bay Los Angeles.
          ...my sister's wedding.
          ...personal acts of worship.
          ...submitting to God's will, practically.
          ...submitting to authority, even when I don't agree.
          ...undermining, subliminal effects of our government.
          ...giving up coffee, even though I only drink decaf.
          ...whether or not to give up running after the next race.
          ...how thankful I am to not be a kindergarten teacher.
          ...contentment.
          ...how to make life more simple.
          ...Jim Elliot and his passion for the unsaved.
          ...what really matters.
          ...how fearfully and wonderfully we have been created.
          ...all the craft ideas that are in my brain.
          ...what to name my design label.
          ...certain friends from my past.
          ...why I care so much about aesthetics and the way things look.
          ...why I am intimidated by a certain administrator.
          ...making friendships significant and intentional.
          ...heaven.
          ...how to get away from the noise in Valencia to have a decent quiet time.
          ...using resources wisely.
          ...learning to speak Spanish more effectively.
          ...Mexico.
          ...what I really desire.
          ...what God is calling me to right here and right now.
          ...how incredible my parents are.
          ...all the knowledge around me and how to best take advantage of it.
          ...Hebrews.
          ...waking up early tomorrow for the sake of high school ministry.
          ...how abnormality creates more room to direct others toward Christ.

...among a host of other things.

What do I know of Holy?

2010-08-23T20:39:00.001-07:00

I've been addicted to this song for the past month or so.

And because live music is my favorite (it's just so...raw): Enjoy the harmonica. Ponder the lyrics.

I Accept

2010-08-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

I rose to your challenge, Davi.

Your post was just the inspiration I needed to finish off the blank white (gasp) wall in my bedroom.

Thank you!

The Endless Summer sign was a birthday gift from the Standifers.

Not only is it super cool, it also holds a lot of sentimental value.

I found the 4 frames at Salvation Army, all in the same trip.

My strategy was to find frames with the most texture. It worked!

They cost about $5 total.

The paint color matching machine was not in working order,

but I was determined to finish the project I had come to start!

I was looking for something to make my room a little more bright

and cheerful. This fit the ticket, exactly!

Awesome Austin!

2010-07-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday afternoon I got to meet my 15-year-old cousin at the beach in Santa Barbara. He was there with a friend's family.

The day was slightly overcast, which made for great pictures!

I haven't seen Austin in a number of years, and we re-connected over his Dad's wedding in June.

He is a cool kid with a lot of negative influence in his life (not to throw the baby out with the bath water; he definitely has positive influences, too).

It was funny to me that, after his dad's wedding, he was concerned that he wouldn't be able to hang out with me in the immediate future. Alas, when I found out he was going to be in Santa Barbara, there I was! We boogie-boarded it up, he taught me to throw a lacrosse ball, and what's a trip to the beach without someone getting buried?

We ended up going to State Street to walk around, enjoy the farmer's market, fro-yo, and conversation. He even humored me by accompanying me to Anthropologie! (My camera's battery failed after about the first 30 minutes, so there's a lack of pictures from the rest of our visit.)

It was really interesting to interact with a 15 year-old-boy. I never had brothers, and I guess my other cousin never let me on to what he was really thinking...GIRLS. It seemed like every 30 seconds he asked, "what do you think about that one?" or "Would you ever...with a guy?"

WOW! I was pretty surprised.

The cool part was that he was pretty open to talking about relationships and the why's and what matters the most's in them. I won't go into detail, but he text messaged me later that evening about the more serious things we talked through.

Thanks, Austin, for letting me hang out with you!

Lives....Wasted

2010-07-23T13:57:00.000-07:00

From the magazine Better Homes & Gardens:

"The average teenager spends practically every waking minute outside of school using a smartphone, computer, television,or other electronic device. So says the Kaiser Family Foundation, which found that children ages 8-18 used such devices for more than seven and a half hours a day."

I'd like to know: Seven and a half hours?! Looking at what??

In Regards to Health...

2010-07-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

Someone emailed me this quote and I thought I'd share:

"Recovery [from illness, injury, et al] is just like fixing a house. A crack in the foundation requires raw materials to patch things back together. In the body, those raw materials come from what we eat."

- Cynthia Sass, R. D.

Father's Day Weekend

2010-06-23T23:08:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of joining my family for Father's Day weekend last week. What a great time we had!

I drove up north with Anna and she dropped me off to my sisters in Rhonert Park. We ate at Chunky's Mexican food before heading over to Sac Town. Chunky's did not agree with my stomach. However, based on local raving reviews, I think it has a lot of potential.

We drove from Rhonert Park to Sacramento that afternoon. It had been 6 months since we had all been together.

That night we had a mini Father's Day dessert celebration. I am thankful for my dad!

On Saturday morning my sister's friend Kayla gave us the grand tour of Denio's Farmer's Market. Because of family history, we had never ventured to this local attraction. It was quite the experience.

Kayla explained the market set-up to us perfectly: About 1/3 of the "Farmer's Market" is produce and local people selling their food goods.

I couldn't figure out what these (left) were. They were labeled as squash. Looking back, I should have bought one and cut it open to find out! Sarah is happily choosing corn to take home (right). Yum!

The Pomelos (a variety of grapefruit) were HUGE!

The middle third of the "farmer's market" is like a swap meet with people selling new goods (anything from baskets to wedding gowns and rolls of bulk material to knick-knacks. The last third is like a giant garage sale. It was like the "farmer" was getting further from the "market" the further we strayed from the entrance. This is a picture of about 1,000 kids' meal toys someone was trying to sell. I was amazed at how many there were to choose from. It would be some kid's dream! Now I know where to go to stock up for my classroom treasure box.

On Saturday evening we went to my uncle's house for his 2nd marriage wedding reception. It was a beautiful Sacramento summer evening outside, and our family could not be more happy for Uncle Pat and his new bride, Lisa. I had a fantastic time hanging out with my younger cousin, Austin, for the first time in about 8 years. No exaggeration. The last time I saw him, I think he was 8 or 9 years old. A lot changes from age 8 to 15 1/2.

Our new families:

from left to right: Austin, Cheyenne (Lisa's daughter), my mom, me, Lisa, Uncle Pat, Megan, Sarah, Dad, and Tamsen in the very front.

We spent Sunday together as a family and took Tamsen back home to Rhonert Park. On Monday afternoon I flew back to Los Angeles to resume life as it is.

Ensenada Loft Trip May 2010

2010-05-23T21:39:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of our recent Hands of Mercy Loft Home build.
Since a picture is worth 1,000 words, I'll let the photographs speak for themselves.

Gilberto y Maria, our expectation is that this home and the ministry that made it possible will draw you closer to the God who provided it for you.

Crazy Random Happenstance

2010-05-09T21:22:00.000-07:00

I think the last (and only) time I was emotionally, physically moved during corporate worship through music was in high school. I was some 14 or 15 years old, standing around our school's flagpole on the national day of prayer referred to as See You at the Pole. An upperclassman led the popular song Shout to the Lord. As my vocals blended in with the other twenty-some people present, I couldn't help but lift my hands upward in surrender and humility. Literally, it was like they were thinking for themselves. My heart has never physically felt more full. As soon as it started, it stopped. I'll never forget that snipet of my life.

It's something that I crave, something I wish I could be more like others in. I am envious of watching others lay everything aside to bask in the presence of their Savior during corporate worship though music.

Waaaay too often I'm more focused on the lyrics, the sounds, the people around me, the whatevers. I pretty much gave up on trying to make genuine worship a mental discipline. I think it's an individual issue that each worshipper struggles with. Worship matters. I don't take it lightly. But sometimes I think I think about it too much, thus disallowing myself to be emotionally moved to the point of natural physical reactions.

I cried during worship today.

Today was different. Something new crossed my life's spiritual path. It was probably the combination of enjoying an "acoustic" worship experience, followed by an off-the-charts (encouraging, humbling, biblically accurate, much needed, gently delivered) sermon, followed by another acoustic hymn that did it to me. God opened my heart to respond to His truths.

This post is to say thank you to David, a guest lead worshipper at a church I was a guest at this morning. I know little about you. That's okay. I could go on and on about why I think your song choices, musical talent, and raw presence added to the experience. But it's not necessary. I just want you to know that something about the circumstances and your love for the Lord was moving. It was contagious.

The Lord used your surrendered life to move His people this morning.

Thank you for being sensitive to the Spirit.

Praise be to God.

My Sister got Engaged....

2010-04-30T18:27:00.000-07:00

...and I came THIS close to spoiling the surprise.

Let me explain.

RARELY do I check my email in the morning. However, this morning I was ahead of schedule, syncing my iPod for new music I purchased last night, and decided that I may as well check my email while the music was transferring.

I had a whopping 2 new messages. One was from my mother. The subject line read: "GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!" (I literally copied & pasted that.) Of course I opened it immediately! Mom went on for two or three sentences that I was to call my older sister that night to ask her about the great news. I let out an "ugh!" because I thought I missed something big last night. (She and her boyfriend have been discussing engagement possibilities, gone ring shopping, et al. I definitely missed something BIG yesterday.)

With a bitter attitude growing inside I dialed my sister's digits.
I was met by a chirpy, "Hey, Kate!" on the other end.
"So, Mom says you have good news to share."

Silence.
Awesome.

"Uhhhh, I don't know what she's talking about."
"Are you sure? You're not engaged or anything?"
"No, David & I are went ring shopping, like I told you, and though nothing's set yet, we're still thinking about sometime around Thanksgiving."
With panic in my voice I asked, "He wouldn't propose to you over Skype, would he??" (David lives in another state. Thank you, eHarmony.)
Laughing, "No. He wouldn't."
"Ooooookkkkkaaaaaaaayyyy. Maybe mom's just off her rocker. I'll call her and ask what she's talking about."

As I hung up with my sister I read the time that my mother had sent the email. A mere 30 minutes previous to the above conversation. Oops! Mom had meant to call Sarah tonight! Not last night!! My reputation of the family secret ruin-er was forever sealed in stone. Greeaat.

Fortunately, all is well that ends well. David flew in to CA this afternoon, our little sister ushered him to Sarah's apartment, and he was graced by her nonsuspicious presence as she arrived home from work. He proposed in her apartment, complete with roses and a ring. She said YES!

Now that I've had a chance to publically defend myself,

Congratulations, Sarah & Daivd. I love you!

Salt Produces Thirst

2010-04-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

The Dodger's chaplain came to speak at my school's chapel yesterday.

Speaking to an audience with an age range of 5 years old to 50+ years (including teachers & administration) has always seemed like a daunting task to me. Since chapel is for the purpose of exposing our students to the Truth, our speakers do quite well at catering to the 12-and-under crowd. I have come to appreciate their simple messages.

Mr. Rodriguez spoke to our school about the Sermon on the Mount yesterday. He explained why Christ referred to His disciples as "salt and light" and proceeded to review the purposes of salt and light, practically. With no intention to undermine or strip significance from these truths, it was nothing that I hadn't heard before. Then Mr. Rodriguez asked the audience,

"What happens when we eat a lot of salt?"

He had my intrigue.

"It makes you thirsty,"

replied one second-grader.

Salt produces thirst. Hmm.

When the world is saturated in our "saltiness" of the faith, it produces a thirst that can only be quenched by the Water of Life.

It was so refreshing to think about!

Pismo Beach with the Germans

2010-04-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

My aunt and uncle from Germany were in California this past week. I met up with them, my grandparents and my dad in Pismo Beach. It was so lovely!

I led them up towards San Luis to a state park, Montana de Oro.
We hiked about a quarter of a mile through eucalyptus trees to get to the cliffs overlooking the ocean.This is what met us at the clearing. We were probably a good 200' above the water.

Epic, Uncle Uwe, epic.

If you look closely, you can see Morro Rock in the background.
Montana de Oro is at the south end of Morro Bay.

We left my grandparents to hike up the hill.
You could spend days hiking around the cliffs and dunes out there.

Later we went to a cove where dad & his brother took to:

Rock Art.

I mean [insert: British accent] Rock Aaarrhhhhttttt.

Simple Pleasures Letters

2010-04-08T13:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Spring Cleaning,

Despite our love-hate relationship, thank you for the sense of complete satisfaction.

Love, me

Dear Carton of Fresh Strawberries,

Thank you for smelling so divine. And your taste is astronomical.

Love, me

Dear Man Who Smirked at Me at the Carwash because of all the Bugs on my Car,

I made 3 road trips in the past week. You're welcome.

Love, me

Beach Withdraws

2010-03-21T21:29:00.000-07:00

I am having withdraws from the beach right about now. Maybe I'll drive out there on Tuesday and stay long enough just to see the sun set. Anyone want to join me?

Seasons

2010-03-03T20:34:00.001-08:00

I came across this graphic while looking for new things to embroider. Still thinking about how to incorporate it into something involving textiles. In the meantime...

Reasons Why I Teach

2010-01-15T10:36:00.000-08:00

All before 10:00 this morning:

I failed in attempting to explain to a student what "hot off the press" means.

His reply: "I just don't get adults."

Our Bible memory verse quiz this morning was Joshua 1:8,
"Do not let this Book of the law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful."

One student filled in, "Then you will be preposterous and successful."

It's kind-of true, if you think about it. Unfortunately for the sake of her grade, that's not what the Scriptures say. :)

A Day in the Life...

2009-12-09T16:56:00.001-08:00

...of a 4th grade assistant teacher

6:00 am- wake up, read Bible, get ready, etc.
7:20 am- head to school (decide not to bike ride...still too cold)
7:24 am- arrive at school in record time (yup, usually takes me 5 minutes)
7:30 am- head into classroom
7:40 am- staff devotions on the real meaning of Christmas
8:00 am- morning recess duty at tether ball courts
8:20 am- take roll, hand class over to Bible teacher
9:00 am- reading groups, teach grammar and compound nouns
10:30 am- finish grading homework
10:50 am- recess duty again, stand in sun attempting to keep warm
11:10 am- math word problems (seem to create even bigger problems in life)
12:15 pm- lunch duty, convince a 3rd grader that I invented hand ball
1:oo pm- take my own lunch break
1:30 pm- finally remember to tell curriculum director I can't make today's meeting
1:45 pm- peace out...I'm done!

You honk at them and tell them to pull over!

2009-12-03T15:28:00.001-08:00

The same boy I've written about earlier (for the sake of naming, we'll name him "Mahogany Boy") had yet another funny moment yesterday.

We were reviewing a grammar homework sheet and discussing the different types of verbs. Regular verbs, blah blah. Compound verbs, yada yada. State of being verbs, huh? And helping verbs...what in the world?

We were correcting the Compound verbs section (where there are 2 or more verbs in a sentence usually separated by "and").

Example sentence: God will punish the unjust and forgive the saved.

One student asked a legitimate question, "What if there are other words between the first verb and the "and"?

In our example above, this includes the words "...the unjust...".

I opened my mouth to reply, "You can just ignore them and leave them alone," when, at the same time, Mahogany Boy calmly and collectively interjected:

"You honk and them and tell them to pull over."

Of course! Why didn't I think of that?? That's what we do with unnecessary words in a sentence on a grammar worksheet. We honk and them and tell them to pull over.

Smile!

2009-11-20T15:05:00.001-08:00

Yup. That's my mouth in a full 360-degree x-ray.
I found it fascinating & thought you might, too.

Substitute Sisters & Homecoming 2009

2009-10-11T12:27:00.000-07:00

Hannah & Stefanie have been my "substitute sisters" these past few months as I am away from my own. Hannah & I get the "are you related?" question a LOT anyway. This weekend they celebrated homecoming with their school.

It all began with...

... in the process ...

... and VIOLA!!

Fall is Here!

2009-10-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the crisp cool weather reminds me so much of Sacramento, of home.
I made a butternut squash soup (that's actually more like a bisque) last week and have been enjoying the leftovers for none other than breakfast. (!!) Here's the simple, wholesome recipe:

2 tablespoons butter
20 oz squash, cubed (2 1/2 packs from TJ's)
1 1/2 cups unsweetened applesauce
1 teaspoon ground ginger (spice)
3 cups water

Melt 1 tablespoon butter in a saucepan. Stir in ginger. Add the squash and water. Heat ingredients to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium. Cook for 15 minutes or until squash is tender. Stir in applesauce and cook for 1 minute. Puree entire contents in a blender. Add leftover butter. Season with salt and pepper (or cinnamon for the morning taste) and serve. Yum!

Quote of the Day

2009-09-24T13:18:00.000-07:00

I love my little 4th graders. They say the funniest things, and I'm hoping to post often enough to share some of them with you!

Now, I know the following won't mean as much to you as it did to me simply because you do not know the personality and character of the student involved in today's quote. Regardless, you may get a hint of laughter out of today's quote. :)

The way my class works for Reading and Math (core subjects) is that the students are split into 3 groups and we rotate while having "centers." During Reading I teach grammar to one group at a time. Each group has a color. Today I asked one of the groups what color they were and they replied accurately. Then, one of my boys (lego-loving, girl-chasing, jump-up-in-his-seat-when-answering boy) calmly and simply said,

"Do you know what my favorite color is?"

Wait for it...

"Mahogany."

Simple as that. Mahogany.

People think I'm crazy

2009-08-26T22:13:00.001-07:00

...for my thoughts and practices on eating habits.

I'm not one to share about my personal eating habits much, but I find myself quite alone in this process and am rather compelled to make a case here on the 'ol blog. Where no one can argue with me. Or make fun of me. Or hurt my feelings. (Okay, it's not that extreme.)

For some time now I have been quite interested in nutrition. It all surfaced when I started working for a health care professional. And ever since I stuck my toes in the water, I have found myself in over my head more than once. Many people assumed that I had "healthy" eating habits even before now. Now they just think I'm extreme. I have come to find out that those "healthy" eating habits I grew up with are mere marketing schemes that Americans have been led to believe for decades now. (No offense to mom & dad--they did a great job raising us.) Since it's late as I write this, I will just throw one example out there.

I have ceased consuming dairy products. No yogurt. No cheese. No milk. These used to be some of my favorite things to consume! And just because I haven't had them in a long time doesn't mean that I don't miss them still.

Here's why:

Let's take milk as the most popular example. We are told from a young age that our bodies need milk for the calcium. And the first question to be raised when I bring up that I don't consume dairy products is "Then where do you get your calcium from?" We've been told that milk will give us strong teeth, protect our heart and keep us from getting osteoporosis. Contrary to popular belief, there is no calcium from any dairy product that is usable by the human body. For reals.

I know what you're thinking: Then why all the "Milk does a body good" celebrity advocates?

Let's go through the process. After a cow is milked, the milk contains usable calcium in it's most natural, organic form. But during the process of pasteurization, the milk is heated to a heat of 160 degrees. Good thing that active calcium is destroyed at a heat of 120 degrees. This turns the calcium into non-absorbable, nonorganic calcium. Is that enough to convince you? So what's the harm then in drinking milk?

Well, according to recent research in The British Medical Journal, bone loss can be linked to having too much animal protein in one's diet. Guess what milk is. Animal protein! One man explains it as "brushing your teeth with a fluoride toothpaste that also has cavity causing sweeteners added to it." There's more research I could go into, but not now.

So why isn't this research that's been documented made known to our American public? Here's a little known secret that you can use to answer the question: A big financial supporter of the National Osteoporosis Foundation is a company called Basa Worldwide. This is the same company that created the huge milk mustache campaign for the dairy industry. Do you really think the Osteoporosis Foundation would risk losing a big chunk of their money by making this information public and going against the message stated by one of their largest financial supporters? My simple answer to the question: It's all about politics and marketing.

This is only a scratch on the surface of reasons I stopped consuming dairy products. I could go further, but you probably have better things to do with your life. On another day when I'm no so sleepy I'll tell you more about major differences between you and me.

I'm not offended if you disagree with me; just don't make fun of me :) I realize that 99 percent of you won't think twice about what I just took time to write, and most of you will continue to think I'm crazy. But I've come to the point in my own life that I can't deny the facts any longer. Do as you will with my shared knowledge. In fact, I can picture my sister going to make herself a glass of chocolate milk just to spite this post. (I love you, really.)

Until the next nutritionally inspired post...

ONWARD.

My Parents Now Text Message

2009-07-27T12:57:00.000-07:00

Neither of my parents are very high-tech people. This is not a bad thing (in fact, it's probably more good than bad), but sometimes convincing them that certain technological advances are worth their time is difficult. I never thought I'd live to see the day when they would finally grasp the concept, let alone the benefits, of cell phone text messaging. And you know what it took to get them to this point? An international cell phone. Of course!

They are in Germany right now visiting my dad's brother and decided to invest in an international cell phone since they will be there for an extended amount of time. Apparently, text messaging is cheaper internationally than actual phone calls. Alas, once they discovered the glories of text messaging, they've been on a roll. Here's a clip of a little conversation we had this morning:

me: Just got rubberbands for the braces...hot. Two more appointments and they're off!
mom & dad: What does hot mean?
me: Attractive. Good lookin. (It was sarcastic.)
mom & dad: Sorry-I've been speakin 2 languages - neither very well

Ahh, the humors of beginner text messengers. Gotta love 'em.

Vicarious Living

2009-07-12T14:23:00.000-07:00

Last week while visiting home I had the opportunity to visit with my childhood best friend's mom. Her name is Victoria. She was practically a second mother to me from elementary through high school years. He oldest daughter and I shared many days, nights, weeks and months attached at the hip coming up with various silly things to be involved in. We went to school together, took sewing lessons from the same lady and even swam on the same swim team for a season. We were mere additions to each others families. Needless to say, her family had a huge influence on my life and I will never able to divorce the ways that Victoria and her husband influenced my young impressionable character...for the better, of course.

As time passed I moved on and they stayed. Recently Victoria and her husband have become members of Facebook and located me on the massive network of people. Over Facebook's messaging systems we set up a time and place to "catch up" while I was in town. Victoria and I had such a sweet time of literally playing catch up with our lives as well as our families lives. I always appreciate talking with someone who has watched me grow up, someone who has witnessed my life from a young age. I think this is because I have only been in Los Angeles for less than five years. Yes, I am close to a few people here, but there's just something different about people who know my history. Victoria is one of them. I think you can relate.

In the midst of our conversation Victoria referred to--more than once--that she saw my family was doing well based on their postings or pictures on Facebook. She also made the comment that my own Facebook is "boring" and I don't have much "action" going on. I left our time together thinking about this. I have thought a LOT about the ramifications of Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, et. all, having to do with interpersonal relationships. The more I think about how these networking tools have changed the face of relationships, the more I am weary of using them. There was a time that I dumped my Facebook account on these premises, but I reactivated it for other reasons. I will go into more detail later.

I titled this post, and perhaps this series, Vicarious Living because that's exactly what is going on. IF we so choose, we vicariously live through Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, blogging, etc. I am not drawing any conclusions about the good and the bad of it all yet. I'm just thinking through it for now.

Yum!

2009-06-22T19:52:00.000-07:00

So I'm on this new kick of composing my food consumption of as much raw food as possible. Yes, this may seem really limiting, but it's also a good challenge to be creative! Since working for Dr. Standifer I have an increased interest in nutrition, and the more things I read and research, the more I am convinced that our bodies function best off of what the earth gives us: fruits, veggies and meat. Easy, right? Well, if you're not too hooked on the typical western norm of pre-packaged foods, dairy, wheat and sugars. It was actually harder than I thought it would be overall, but the health benefits are something I can't deny.

The whole point of this post was to share with you the yummy salad I made tonight, in hopes to encourage more nutritious eating.
Here it is:

Spinach, Raspberry & Walnut Salad
3 handfuls baby spinach, chopped or sliced
1/4 cup fresh washed raspberries
3 tbsp chopped raw walnuts
dash olive oil (cold pressed is best)

Drizzle a desired amount of olive oil over spinach leaves.
Top with raspberries and chopped walnuts.
Toss and enjoy!

This recipe happens to be rich with omega-3 fatty acids, which have gained much attention these days. Basically, our body needs both omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, but the average American diet is rich in omega-6 oils (canola oil, veggie oil, corn oil, etc.) with scarce amounts of omega-3's. Nutritionists agree that the human body needs about a 1:2 ratio of omega-3's : omega-6's, but with processed and refined foods being the bulk of our consumption, we (Americans) typically consume a 1:10 ratio.
So there you have it...add this salad to a main course of baked salmon or other cold-water fish for even more omega-3's.
I was going to take a picture of this deliciousness, but my battery had run out. Oh well. Next time. Until then...bon appetite!

525,600 Minutes

2009-06-16T22:34:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe that there are so many minutes in one year. Thank you, Rent.
How do you measure a year?

in daylights
What I do with daylight time has changed immensely over the year. I went from full-time nanny to chiropractic assistant and will soon change to teacher. I spend more daylight reading and exercising outside than I think I ever have (post-school).

in sunsets
No special sunsets to record here. :) Though I did spend many nights watching the sun set in Oxnard or Santa Monica alongside dear friends.

in midnights
The last midnight I saw was a couple of weeks ago during a high school ministry sleepover. Though my eyes were drooping and my body was begging for rest, I cherish those wee morning hours and moments of ministry. Fortunately, since graduating from college, I have not seen ver many midnights.

in cups of coffee
Ahh. Coffee is a comfort drink for me. I could not even begin to guess at how many good conversations I've had this past year over a cup or two of coffee. Or having coffee be the grand finale to a pleasant night with friends. Or just before a Perspectives class (on purpose). Can a year be measured in cups of coffee? Perhaps. [Side note: I have learned that caffeine dries out the mucus sacs on the vocal chords, causing stress to the chords. That's a bummer.]

in inches
My stacks of books read has grown in inches. And much to my dismay, so has my "to read in the future" stack. The more significant books read this year were: East of Eden by Steinbeck, a biography on Oswald Chambers and of course the Holy Bible.

in miles
I did not travel much this past year (comparatively so). The most miles I racked up were between home and home. Los Angeles to Sacramento and back again. I continue to live 350 miles from my family.

in laughter
What would we do without laughter?! Laughter is definitely a blessing of our most sovereign Lord. Though no funny moments come leaping to mind, laughter is definitely a good way to measure a year. I hope I laughed a lot this year.

in strife
Man, this year did hold a lot of strife. We can take strife two ways. One way is to grow bitter at the people and circumstances in the midst of your strife. Another way is to see it as an opportunity to draw that much nearer to the Lord. Most of the strife I endured had to do with jobs (mainly--ok ONLY--nannying) and with wanting to be on the mission field right now.

journeys to plan
When I think of journey, I think of a looooooong time. No sweet road trip with buddies or a couple weeks here or there. If you're on a journey, you're in it for the long haul. The good, the bad and the ugly. There is one journey in particular that I have been planning this past year, and the planning continues. In fact, these planning stages are a mere part of the journey. Knowing how to go about my convictions for wanting to be on the mission field full-time is QUITE the journey. Onward!

truths learned
Are you kidding? Let's start with the truths learned this week alone. What if we all kept a list of the truths we learn each day? Would our lists be long? I sure hope mine would be. I am constantly learning (and relearning) that truth is obtainable. There is such thing as 100% assurance, and that assurance comes from God. I think that a big truth I learned this year is how selfish I really am. It comes up in absolutely everything! Praise God that there is something out there bigger than me and my desires and agenda.

times cried
I admit that I'm a crier. Not often. But I do cry. In fact, I find crying a rather comforting habit. I cried when I broke my ankle and got a speeding ticket because I couldn't brake going down the hill. I cried when I made the decision to quit nannying, and I certainly cried the day I left that job. I cried when my parents left me yesterday morning. I cried at the movie The Boy in Striped Pajamas (as historically inaccurate as it may have been). I cried over high school students. I cried after visiting with the Hazen family during Christmas because it made me realize how much I miss NorCal. Now I'm making it sound like I cry all the time.

bridges burned
I certainly hope that there were no burned bridges in my life this year. I suppose that a year could be measured by the falling outs.

time [she] died
And, finally, I have known a few people to die this year. I was not exceptionally close to any of them, but death is the fine reminder of eternity. I will close with the following video that Becca sent to me. Click here to view the video of Rachel, a cancer victim, and her truthful words that "death is not dying."

I'm Not Worried...

2009-06-06T11:18:00.000-07:00

I hung out with high school girls last night and this morning. Of course we talked about boys. And of course I was as vague as possible with my own personal romance life. (I've learned that this is the best way to go in such circumstances.)

As I was leaving this morning the girls kept saying "Don't worry Kate. If not so-and-so, then there's always so-and-so. And if not him, then 'you know who.' Don't worry; we'll find a husband for you."

All I could think was, "Great. If I wasn't worried before, I am definitely worried now that high school girls are planning my married life."

Gotta love 'em. :)

Onward

2009-06-05T13:20:00.001-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, and this post is of little significance to many of you, but it's an update nonetheless!

I met my new teaching team today. Oh, did I mention that I got hired to be an Assistant Teacher at Legacy Christian Academy for the next school year? An act of God, for sure. I'm going to be an assistant teacher in one of the two fifth grade classes at the school. The teacher I'm replacing is pregnant and will be a new mommy come August. Miss Palato is my head teacher, and she's getting married this month (I think). I went to college with the other 5th grade assistant teacher (Mrs. Shenks) and met the other head 5th grade teacher (Mrs. Espinoza) this morning. I just so happened to be at the 5th grade end-of-the-year party.

I am really looking forward to working with this team; they are down-to-earth and lovely people. They have hearts for the gospel and seeing their students to well as unto the Lord. There will be some crazy parents to look forward to. I'm excited for this new job and how God might use us in the classroom! I'll post more as it comes. :)

this is the front of the school

Brilliant

2009-05-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

I came up with a brilliant "would you rather"
while talking to my sister this afternoon:

Would you rather suffer as a Christian
or
live a life of leisure without knowing Christ?

Hanging with Harris

2009-05-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

A while ago Jason recommended for me to read Dr. Harris' book The Cup and the Glory. Soon thereafter Tim made it a reality by giving me his extra copy. Gracias, both!

This morning I spent some quality time (3 1/2 hours, to be exact) reading through the book. I was deeply impacted not only by Dr. Harris' personal testimony of suffering as a Christian, but his encouragement and gentle reminder to have a biblical perspective for those who are walking their own Troaz Road.

Here are some of my thoughts of this morning's session of Hanging with Harris:
I have not personally experienced suffering in the slightest, and I in no way desire any discomfort in life. BUT to know the vast riches of true fellowship with Christ my Lord - how could I not long for and desire these things? I have come to the conclusion that I do not want to be merely satisfied with knowledge, even precise and accurate knowledge, of the triune God. I want to know Him intimately and personally. I mean, really intimately and really personally. Dr. Harris wrote,

"The glory of God is magnificent, and we should be glad when God grants us opportunity to see bits of it displayed, but it is incomplete. To know Him and the fellowship of His sufferings requires a stronger commitment, a deeper walk - but what riches await."

When I think of heroes of the faith and even more "modern-day" saints, I can associate their sufferings with them. Here are but a few I wrote down earlier:

Job - suffered more earthly detestations than perhaps any of us will ever experience yet never denounced the goodness of God
Jeremiah - suffering took such a physical toll on him that he earned a title as the "weeping prophet" and continued to obey God
Martin Luther - not only suffered physical extremities; he was even labeled as the original heretic, but his faith and diligent work exposed millions to the gospel message
Elisabeth Elliot - suffered the death of her first husband, a martyr in the midst of ministry, and chose to push on with perseverance the work that he & teammates had started

I find myself not envious of these circumstances until I consider how deeply they communed with the living Lord. I believe that as Christians we are called into suffering. Because God is not a "blanket statement" God or a "one-size-fits-all" purposer, the extent of and type of suffering we are asked to partake in is different for us all. Peter wrote,

"For into this purpose you were called, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps..."

Thinking of suffering for the sake of Christ - and I mean really thinking through suffering - has a truly sobering effect. Suddenly the world around me is less significant. My longing for being united with my Savior intensifies. The spiritually dead around me are more noticeable. Over time my interests and investments shift to more eternally significant agendas.
I cannot help but remember the chorus,

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in His wonderful face
And the things of this world
will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

May it be so.

Happy Birthday Anna

2009-05-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

May 1st is commonly known as May Day.
May 1st is uncommonly known as Anna Roney's birthday!

A - always has something funny to say
N - never-ending love for God!
N - not a hugger
N - nifty and creative with any given circumstance
A - aware of the people around her and always willing to help!

I love any time I get to spend with Anna, especially in the poppy fields. :)

PS - I used 3 n's on purpose...I couldn't resist the "not a hugger" one

Opportunity

2009-04-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

We have been reading this book by Paul Tripp as a youth staff. It's a great read, and since beginning to read it, I have given it to two different sets of parents outside of our church, that they might also benefit from reading it.
While the major content of the book addresses the parents of teenagers, I will be the first to admit that my own non-teenage-parent heart has been convicted of its sinful nature page after page. We started reading the book when I was still in the nanny phase of life when chapter 2, Whose Idols are in the Way, brought me to my knees.
Now we're on chapter 8 (yeah, it's been that long) and I want to share a bit of what Mr. Tripp writes to us. This chapter is appropriately titled Convictions and Wisdom, as it addresses strategic ways to help your teen develop godly, wise choices based on their personal spiritual convictions. First off, I think it takes a lifetime for most of us to reach this point in our own lives. I'm definitely not there yet. Second, for all you god-fearing parents who stock my blog (all 2 of you...:)) may you be encouraged to start developing wisdom in your child's life even now. Paul Tripp writes why encouraging wisdom at an early age is important:

The truths of Scripture are like a great symphony orchestra. You do not really understand or experience a symphony by hearing the separate notes of one violin, oboe or drum. You do not experience its rich beauty by hearing a duet between the trumpet and the bass viol. It is only as you hear all the instruments played together that you really understand the majesty and the beauty of the symphony. In an orchestra, each instrument is made more beautiful by the other. Each complements and balances the other. Similarily, Scripture gives us a symphony of truth. Not just one not but many contribute to the rich, harmonious tones of truth. As parents, we need to have a symphonic mentality as we train our children for godly living. We cannot hammer away at one note. We must introduce them to the whole symphony of biblical wisdom so that they can make biblically sound decisions.

Oh how this applies to all of life! Let us not forget that our God is a God of many facets and that His nature is not merely one, two, or even three-fold. He has written a symphony for us to pay close detailed attention to. Don't miss out on this grad opportunity!
ONWARD.

My Sherbet Monsters

2009-04-22T11:58:00.000-07:00

Abby and Griffin,

ushering in the summer heat with ice cream sherbet!

She won't let even a drop go to waste! Atta girl.

31 cent scoop night tonight, by the way!

Hallelujah

2009-04-20T10:03:00.001-07:00

In the midst of worshipping God through His Word yesterday morning I was reminded of the song Bethany Dillon wrote, Hallelujah.

Who can hold the stars
and my weary heart
Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far,
but not beyond Your reach.

I can climb a mountain,
swim the ocean,
or do anything.
But it's when You hold me
that I start unfolding
and all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
whatever's in front of me
help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun
that rises over castles
and welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
into the streets
where orphans play

And only You can see the good
in broken things
You took my heart of stone
and You made it home;
set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
whatever's in front of me
help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

Psalm 121

2009-04-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

So all of us who have ever heard Pastor Bob preach pretty much have a mutual understanding of his bomb.com sermons. Yesterday's sermon was no exception. And in the Lord's perfect timing, Psalm 121 came at us yesterday. I revisited it in my quiet time this morning and have the urge to blog about it again now. Enjoy it with me:

Psalm 121

I lift my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber or sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep you
your coming out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.

PB's points

We can give our anxieties to the LORD because:

1. He is POWERFUL
* literally, the One who made the heavens and the earth also holds me in His hands
2. He is PRESENT
* He won't allow you to slip
* He does not sleep
* He is your shade
3. He PROTECTS
* He guards our coming and our going
* He keeps our soul
* today, tomorrow and for all time
* He is literally a "hedge" around me

Hello Poolside, Goodbye Pedicure

2009-04-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

Tuesday started my first official day of the season as a swim coach!
I'm working at a racquet & swim club, coaching 3 different teams of mostly elementary age.
Once school is out for the summer I will start teaching swimming lessons to the younger kiddos. I'm excited about having a fun, outdoor job and all the benefits that come with it...including a sweet summer tan! The main downside is that any pedicure or nail polish will shortly thereafter fall away. Oh well. I'm willing to endure the trade-off!

Sky is Falling

2009-04-14T13:35:00.001-07:00

Here's a little funny to lighten your day!
The game is that I put my iPod on "shuffle" mode
and used the next 30 song titles to answer the following questions:

If someone says, "Is this okay?" what do you say?
My Love Hasn't Grown Cold (Bethany Dillon)

What would best describe your personality?
Falling Down (Bebo Norman)

What do you like in a guy?
Found (Hillsong)

What is your life's purpose?
Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses (U2)

What is your motto?
Nothing But the Blood (Jars of Clay)

What do your friends think of you?
Sparks (Coldplay)

What do you think about often?
Run Away (Live)

What is 2+2?
Out of this World (Josh Zegan)

What do you think of your best friend?
Smile (Mona Lisa Smile soundtrack)

What do you think of the person you like?
Where's My Head (Copeland)

What is your life story?
Shoot the Moon (Norah Jones)

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Life is Wonderful (Jason Mraz)

What do you think when you see the person you like?
Famous One (Chris Tomlin)

What do your parents think of you?
Home (Phil Wickham)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Holy is the Lord (Andrew Peterson)

What will they play at your funeral?
Strong Tower (Kutless)

What is your hobby/interest?
Mother India (Caedmon's Call)

What is your biggest secret?
Remedy (David Crowder Band)

What do you think of your friends?
Empty Me (Jeremy Camp)

What's the worst thing that could happen?
Edge of my Seat (Switchfoot)

How will you die?
Collide (Howie Day)

What's the one thing you regret?
Cold, Cold Heart (Norah Jones)

What makes you laugh?
Micah 6:8 (Charlie Hall)

What makes you cry?
Misery Business (Switchfoot)

Will you ever get married?
Saturday (Dizmas)

What scares you the most?
No Matter What it Takes (Jeremy Camp)

Does anyone like you?
Love is Here (Tenth Avenue North)

If you cold go back in time, what would you change?
Waging War (Shane & Shane)

What are you wishing for?
Rain (Jordan Yee)

What will you post this as?
Sky is Falling (Lifehouse)

This was kinda funny! Especially that I'm getting married on Saturday and that 2+2 is out of this world. I'm sorta wishing for rain, because I would love to go snowboarding again this season, but my life's purpose is definitely not riding wild horses. Nothing but the blood would be a rather quality life's motto, though. Michah 6:8 does not make me laugh; on the contrary, it's a pretty sobering verse. The most ironic of them all has got to be Mother India as a hobby or interest because there's talk of me going to India! Anyway, hope you enjoyed it.

Identity

2009-04-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

Last week I had a few encounters that led me to thinking about personal identity. How do you introduce yourself? What do people know you as? What's the mini-bio speech you rehearse for a group of new people? Recently mine has been something like,

"Hi, I'm Kate Wright. I graduated from Master's a couple of years ago and now I work for a chiropractor here in Santa Clarita."

I get a few "oh's" and "hmmh's," and occasionally someone will ask if I get free adjustments.

At the gym people often comment to me if I'm wearing a USC t-shirt. "Did you see the big game last night?" "Go USC!" "Fight on!" Recently there was a guy who saw my USC shirt, yelled "fight on!" at me, and after seeing that he was wearing a UFC t-shirt, I replied, "let's get it on!" It was great. And then last week as I was exiting the gym there were a couple of older men in front of me, and one of them turned around as he opened the door and said to me, "I guess I'll hold the door open for a Trojan fan." Turns out he's a Notre Dame fan (that's a no-no).

Sometimes we are even identified as our marital status. Single. Divorced. Waiting. Married. Betrothed (okay, maybe just engaged).

At church I am oftentimes introduced as someone who is on high school youth staff. And even after four years of this ministry people still have to double-check that I'm not in fact serving on junior high staff. All in all, I'm starting to realize that our identity is based on what we do.

This is my friend Carly. She's Macy & Cameron's mom. She taught high school Spanish until she had kiddos.
Have you met Anna? She's a kindergarten teacher and is married to our high school director.
My sister Tamsen is a senior at Sonoma State University.
Oh yeah I know Eric. He teaches at Santa Clarita Christian School. He heads up a club there, too.
You know Michelle, too? Yeah, she works with me at Dr. Standifer's office.

All this has got me to thinking about what I want my identity to be. In a fleeting moment a few weeks ago I realized that I've been introducing myself in a way that identifies with only where I work or what I have done in the past. This isn't necessarily wrong or bad, but I realized that it's just like the rest of the world. It's like the heathen who is perhaps merely living. What do I want to be identified as? I want to be identified as one who loves the Lord and pours out her life in appreciation for the salvation that she has received. Forget being a USC fan, or a swim coach, or a chiropractor's assistant, or a seamstress or surfer or former nanny. I don't care if people know I can play a musical instrument or have skill x, y or z.

Last week Tim mentioned in youth group a scenario from Old Testament times. The Israelites literally identified themselves and each other as "Kate, who loves the Lord but struggles with materialism" or "Daniel, who isn't quite sure what to believe about God yet." How about "Naomi, who runs herself out serving Christ through church and is continually trusting Him for provision." And then there's "Chelsea, who sends her children to a Christian school, professes to know God, but is consistently intoxicated and is known for dealing with anger." And many of us know "Cory, who doesn't even believe."

I so desperately want them to know my identity as being alive in Christ. Not for selfish reasons, but quite the opposite, that they, too, might align their identity with Christ.

Humor Comparison

2009-04-08T22:14:00.001-07:00

This post is specifically for Jon & Carly Pray,
but everyone else is welcome in on the fun!

Cameron & Macy Pray, 2009

sister Sarah Wright, circa 1990

me & older sister Sarah, circa 1990

Yes, playing with coverings on one's child head is "normal," Jon Pray. Here's your hard evidence. :)

Flutter: The New Twitter

2009-04-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

For all you Twitter fans, here's a little mocumentry on the concept of "micro-blogging." Yes, I am a Twitter fan, and this short clip is pretty humorous, but it causes me to think a little more deeply on the issue.

What thoughts do you have?

4 Landmarks

2009-04-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

When I was in high school my youth pastor had us do a little activity at the beginning of the school year. We divided a blank sheet of paper into 4 quadrants and drew pictures of 4 "landmarks" in our lives. We shared our drawings, landmarks and experiences with our small group and had a significant time getting to know one another.

We did this same activity with our high school students last night and it inspired me to think more thoroughly through those landmarks in my own life. Allow me to share them with you, one at a time.

Landmark #1: Disneyland

Disneyland is famous for being "the happiest place on earth." While some may disagree, we'll follow that general guideline for this activity. The Disneyland landmark of life is the happiest time in life. Looking back on my not-so-many life experiences, I'm compelled to say that one of the happiest times in life was when I myself was in high school.

During my sophomore year of high school three other girl friends and I drove down to San Luis Obispo, Ca, to visit one of their brothers (who was a student at Cal Poly, SLO) during a 4-day holiday weekend. I had never been on a road trip with just my friends before, and to be quite honest, I was surprised that my parents allowed me to go. We took off on a Friday morning and came back home the following Monday evening.

The weekend was full of friends, fellowship and adventure. We did things like backyard BBQ, meanderaning around downtown SLO, going to the movies, surfing, going to the shooting range, going to church, hiking Bishop's Peak (a MUST if you're in the area), swing dancing at Modonna Inn, and a myriad of other things that I can't remember. We left the weekend exhausted and her brother with much homework to catch up on.

Why was it my "Disneyland" experience? Because it truly was fun. It was perhaps the first time I had traveled away from and without my family. I was challenged that weekend spiritually being around a ton of more spiritually mature people. It grew those three girl friends and I together in a way that we hadn't experienced and left a sweet memory on us all. Each time I have been back to SLO those memories come flooding back and I will forever have fond memories of that little college town.surfing at Pismo Beach
Naomi, Jenn, me & Shannon

On to the DL

2009-02-25T15:57:00.000-08:00

My parents came down last week for a little vacation time in SoCal and I got to accompany them for a few days! We went to
Medieval Times on Sunday evening, LaBrea Tar Pits & the Nixon Library on Monday, then Disneyland on Tuesday! Sadly, I had to leave Tuesday evening, but mom & dad spent the rest of the week
touring Disneyland and Ca Adventure.
Here are some pictures from our day at Disneyland!

There were so many people willing to go to Disneyland despite the rain! It only rained for the first 20 minutes on Tuesday
and was beautiful the rest of the day.

Mom getting ready for the ride of her life on the Matterhorn

Dad & I at a photo shoot while waiting
for our reservations at Blue Bayou

Dear Fellow Blog Stalkers

2009-02-24T18:42:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I am led to believe that my blog is far cooler than it really is. I am greatly inspired by all you faithful bloggers, and many apologies to those who actually somewhat frequent my blog. So many new things have happened since Olivia's birthday party, and I'll do my best to post about them soon. As for now, I'll leave you with a little fun. Facebook recently endured this epidemic of posting 25 random things about yourself, and I chose not to participate. But then I was reading my sister's and was totally inspired. So here ya go:

1. I am the second daughter of four girls. We all have blue eyes and brown hair, and for the most part, look alike.
2. Reading is one of my favorite pastimes; I just finished The Road of Lost Innocence by Somaly Mam. You must read it too.
3. My childhood ambition was to be a hair dresser. One of my aunts was a hairdresser and I thought it was so cool. As a kid I went through a few of those Barbie heads and was always styling my or my sisters' hair growing up. I outgrew that ambition sometime between junior high and high school. But I still think it would be cool.
4. I discovered my fondness toward athletics in high school, and to this day, still aspire to be an athlete. If I could be known for one great thing in the world, it would probably have to do with having an athletic accomplishment. Probably too late for that now.
5. My favorite color is aqua blue. It goes with everything. Except maybe red.
6. Just yesterday I found out that my left leg is longer than my right leg. No official measurements have been taken, but my chiropractor made the discovery when testing my lower back pain symptoms. Hmmh.
7. I did not enjoy eating vegetables until I lived overseas. Now I cannot get enough of them!
8. My favorite body part(s) is the hands. Seriously, God was really thinking on that one. I love doing things with my hands! Could you imagine life without hands?
9. I am technologically un-savvy. I use a Mac, people. Why must electronics be so complicated?
10. I am genuinely scared of dogs. Not all dogs, but most of them.
11. My heart beats for junior high and high school students. My life would not be complete without them. If I do only one thing for the rest of my life, I want it to revolve around students.
12. I prefer to eat with plastic utensils. There's just something about metal scraping against my teeth that I cannot stand.
13. I care deeply about corporate worship through music. Deeply. More deeply than I can write about in this post. A few of my favorite recording artists are: Charlie Hall, Matt Redman, Phil Wickham, Chris Tomlin & David Crowder.
14. Movies are hard for me to sit through. There is rarely a movie I find worth wasting 2 hours of my life watching. Slumdog Millionaire is the most recent worthwhile one. Before that...I can't even remember. Invisible Children.
15. Many people are under the impression that I want to be overseas as a missionary for the rest of my life. While this is a legitimate assumption, most people don't realize that I am not opposed to staying in the states, either.
16. I wish I were more creative with words. I greatly admire authors and their ability to paint stories of colorful abundance on the blank canvases of their readers minds. (How was that?)
17. Though I have basically zero artistry in me, I get really excited about art. The old art doesn't quite do it for me like the more modern graphic design, but I guess it all originates from the same place, that being people's imaginations. I spent about an hour wandering through Beverly's last night just staring at the artistry in the paper and textiles.
18. I wan to become better at taking objects and tweaking them into something unique. I have a friend, Tonde, who is particularly gifted at this. Yesterday she showed me how she spray-painted her son's rocket ship swing for her younger daughter. She painted it pink, painted white flames on the sides, and sewed this sheer, shiny green material up the chains. Really? It was incredible.
19. Though I am avidly opposed to Hallmark stationery, not much tops their line of FreshInk cards. My sister & I used to go to the Hallmark store just to read the FreshInk cards. My new favorite reads: "Anybody can bring the green beans amandine to the neighborhood potluck, but it takes someone very special to bring the funk....Happy Birthday." They're basically just ridiculously funny greeting cards.
20. I divorced my iPhone. I had it for about 10 months until I decided that it was really a piece of junk. Please hear me out. I am all for Mac's. In fact, I hope to never buy another computer. And I use my iPod for greater things than just listening to mp3's. Apple certainly knows how to make a genius computer and write cutting-edge software. However, they do not know how to make a quality phone. The iPhone is a sweet gadget and has many beyond necessary yet handy tools. But it's a crappy phone. I went back to the BlackBerry.
21. Sometimes I wonder what others truly think of me. Actually, I often wonder. Am I weird? If I knew me, I would think I was weird.
22. I'm shy. For a while I thought I got over being shy. But this week at work (*new job) the doctor kept making comments about how I don't talk. Then my friend went in to see him & apparently she told them that I talk all the time. Now they know the truth. Foolish me, just talk!
23. I have become a consumer American. Yes, I am ashamed to admit that I live a life of excess. Last night Tonde & I were talking about how to simplify our lives. She just threw away a $200 pair of jeans. $200! She tossed 'em because she realized that she has become someone she never wanted to be, and owning those jeans was a manifestation of that in her life. I shamefully admit that I own the same pair of jeans. What to do?
24. I love getting to know people. I am fascinated by the things that make us "tic," and how we individually got to the place where we are currently in life. What our goals, ambitions, fears and pet peeves are. I can't stand talking to someone about insignificant things. One of my faults is that if I cannot get attached to someone & build a relationship with them, I usually don't even bother talking to them. I'm working on it.
25. I love Jesus. I don't know why I left this one until the end, but I did. The person and godhead of Jesus Christ is what drives every decision in my life (again, I'm working on it). Were it not for Jesus' life, death and resurrection, I would not have life. My driving force in this life is to become more conformed to the character of Jesus.

Motivation

2009-01-24T09:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I have zero motivation to read my Bible. It's such a weird thing, that I know the riches of studying God's Word and I have experienced the fruits of this labor. Yet something in my flesh still desires to push it aside. I'm sure you have been familiar with this, too.

This morning as I was reading Deuteronomy 8 I came across a new motivation to be in God's Word constantly. Deuteronomy is a book of the Law--of God's Law to His chosen people (Israel)--given to them after the exodus from Egypt yet while they wander in the desert waiting to enter the Promised Land.
Chapters 1 and 2 = the setting: why God is choosing to make them wander.
Chapters 3 and 4 = remembering the conquests and obedience: God's faithfulness in their past is reason for them to trust and obey Him for their future
Chapter 5 = 10 Commandments revisited
Chapter 6 = obey: God rewards His people for their obedience
Chapter 7 = warnings and promises: a warning against the temptation of sin and God's promises for Israel's future; God's faithfulness to keeping His word
Chapter 8 = grace: God graciously deals with His chosen people in the midst of their sinful actions and attitudes

"Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments and His ordinances and His statues which I am commanding you today; otherwise, when you have eaten and are satisfied, and have built good houses and lived in them, and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and gold multiply, and all that you have multiplies, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God who brought you out of Egypt, out of the house of slavery" (vv. 11-14).

I had the fleeting thought that it must be possible that we we forget God's commandments and His ordinances and His statues that we begin to forget God himself. Yikes! What an even greater motivation to continually be in His Word and learning His decrees, that I might know Him more and not easily forget who He is in our lives.

Winter Camp 2009

2009-01-20T15:38:00.001-08:00

Every year we take our high school students to winter camp over Martin Luther King Jr. holiday weekend. We take them to Pine Summit where the Evangelical Free Church denomination churches in our region gather and put on a camp consisting of biblical teaching, worship through music and just plain fun. Camp is a time of year we look forward to in growing in our relationships with each other and with God. This weekend was no exception! Here are a few pictures noting the fun and encouraging time we had together!

some of the girls just chillin' in the cabin

Raf-Dog chose to sit in someone's hand
while everyone else was shopping in town

the girls gearing up for a day on the slopes!
(sorry for making you look into the sun)
Gabby-Stefanie-Morgan-Nadine-Anna-Jordan-Amanda-Hannah-Chelsea

taking a lunch break in the lodge
Gabby-Stefanie-Amanda-Kate

For Other Purposes...

2009-01-16T13:53:00.001-08:00

Epiphany

2009-01-10T10:51:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been provoked by the study of the liturgical year. Advent calendars have been a childhood tradition in my family, but I never took the time to understand their meaning and purpose until just this year. Lame, I know. There's so much significance behind them! Since Christmas & Advent are over, I'll have to be more purposeful in blogging about them next year. BUT this coming Sunday (tomorrow) is the traditional celebration of Epiphany, which is a part of the liturgical year.

Epiphany, according to Wikipedia:

Epiphany (Greek for "to manifest" or "to show"), is a Christian feast day which celebrates the "shining forth" or revelation of God in human form in the person of Jesus Christ. The Feast of the Epiphany falls on January 6. Western Christians commemorate the visitation of the Magi to the child Jesus on this day, i.e., his manifestation to the Gentiles. Eastern Christians commemorate the baptism of Jesus in the Jordan River, his manifestation as the Son of God to the world. It is also called Theophany ("manifestation of God"), especially by Eastern Christians. Epiphany falls on the last day of the Twelve Days of Christmas.

We are now launching into the season of epiphany, which is followed by "ordinary time" until the season of lent. This is how I want to be purposeful during the "ordinary time":

be purposeful in researching and preparing my heart for the next season of lent
think of a creative way to get my small group girls involved in observing lent
focus on the life and ministry of Christ by reading through the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John), since the purpose of lent is for the Christian to prepare for the Holy week leading up to Easter
use this time to start revolving my life around the liturgical church calendar rather than our all-American, self-focused holidays calendar

It's a Wrap

2009-01-05T19:46:00.000-08:00

I felt kinda ridiculous syran wrapping the fully decorated Christmas trees today. I guess they've been up for long enough. It made me feel better that the Horning family does this every year.

As I was twirling the giant roll of plastic wrap around one of the trees I was provoked by the thought process behind Christmas trees. I've never really thought about why we purchase and decorate Christmas trees every year. In my family, I guess it's mere tradition. My dad has been going to the same Christmas tree farm in Northern California since he was 6 years old. I have a picture there with my sisters every year of my childhood (even one of me in the cooker). We go up as a family in October to choose a tree, reserve it with our name, and then in December go cut it down. It's been quite a fun family tradition that I have discovered many families do not have. Another family I know waits until Christmas eve and sneaks out to Wal-Mart's dumpster to find their Christmas tree of choice--for free. Different, yes; tradition nonetheless.

I realize that Christmas has come and passed for the time being, and it's pretty cliche to repeat that the realities of Christmas should remain in our thoughts at all times. Did you know that today is the last day of the Christmastide season? It is commonly known now as the 12 Days of Christmas, but traditionally is a part of the liturgical church calendar. Christmastide is a celebration not only of the birth but also the incarnation of Christ. From the little research I have done, Christmastide is primarily taken seriously by the Catholic following. It's just all interesting to me how we have come so far from a baby supernaturally born to a poor carpenter's wife in a place where animals dwelt and shepherds hearing the first of the birth to wrapping fully decorated fake trees in syran wrap to preserve their aesthetics while in storage for the next 10 months. Where is the connection?

I'm a Crier

2008-12-13T16:09:00.000-08:00

My mom has always been especially sensitive to emotional things. Hallmark commercials, a childbirth in a movie scene, hurting people, you name it and she cries. As a kid I thought it was ridiculous to be sitting next to a box of tissues at the end of "Dances with Wolves." I was never really a sensitive person myself...until recently.

I noticed this habit occurring about a month ago when I would come home thinking through things (work, ministry, direction in life, etc.) and find myself crying after a few minutes. I found myself weeping at work or driving home from youth group. I would call my mom on especially hard days and just cry through talking to her. Sorry, mom. I'm sure that wasn't too easy on you.

Over Thanksgiving a friend & I were talking about how we've never cried during a particularly good sermon or corporate worship service. He commented how he feels kinda guilty about it; like others are more holy than him because they're lead to tears through their experience. This is not true for obvious reasons, but still intriguing to think about. As we were having that conversation I was thinking about how I cry, but not at stuff. Not because I'm learning something new and phenomenal or because my emotions are triggered by noise or pictures. I don't cry at people's circumstances or death.

I cry when I don't "get it" or can't seem to understand what God is doing in the midst of my life. I cry about souls that don't know our Creator God. For Abigail who is showing so much understanding of spiritual things in her limited 5-year-old heart. I cry over my high school girls who are dealing with rebellion toward their parents. I cry after reading missionary letters of villagers coming to an understanding of their sin and Savior. I cry when I'm tired of running the race. I cry out of frustration or when things don't go the way I hoped they would. A couple of weeks ago I cried after someone text messaged me (it had been a long day, and they didn't mean the message in the way I thought).

I definitely cry on a weekly basis, sometimes multiple times a week. I don't want to be a "dumb girl" about it, though. If I must cry, I want to cry for the things that matter. Like Jesus who wept not because Lazarus had died, but because the people around him just didn't get it. They didn't understand who He was. I want to cry like Mary at Jesus' death. Like someone who had a greater understanding of the loss that was happening. I want to weep like Joseph did when he saw his brother Benjamin after so many years of separation. I want to shed tears like the Prodigal son's father did when his repentant son came home. In short, I want to be moved by the things that move the heart of God.

I'm praying through and learning what it means to not be circumstantial, but to be moved and changed by the circumstances of life that God so delicately and perfectly places us in.

Done Dooter

2008-12-07T20:56:00.001-08:00

It's official; I submitted my letter of resignation from my current nanny job. Stay posted (no, tuned...I'll stay posting) for further details.

Don't be shocked that people die; Be surprised you're still alive

2008-12-01T21:56:00.001-08:00

Thank you, Flyleaf.

Tagging Game

2008-11-30T19:29:00.000-08:00

I don't really know what the rules are, and I'm not sure anyone who tagged me knows what they are, either. I'm pretty sure that this tagging game involves listing 6 things about yourself. Hopefully there's something here you didn't know!

1. I have a passion for helping people. I will help with basically anything, and for nothing in return. I don't know why (spiritual gift, perhaps?), but I think it's more of the aspect of doing life with someone that I enjoy. I enjoy babysitting children for free so that parents can get away. I had a really good time helping VBS coordinators clean out the storage bins at the end of the week. Doing chores around the house or making a meal for someone else is definitely a priority on my list. I love it when people ask me for favors!

2. My childhood ambition was to be a hairdresser. Seriously. My aunt was a hairdresser. But I genuinely was just fascinated by hair and all of its endless possibilities. Cut, color, style, updo...whatever. Whenever I go to the salon to have my own hair updated I think of what it would be like to be one of those girls.

3. I am an aesthetics person. I care deeply about the appearance of things and how they match or coincide with their surroundings. I am inspired by things looking nice, whether it's a particular outfit or a scrapbook page; an element of nature or the way books are arranged on the shelf. This can be annoying to some people, and it's definitely something I have to be careful in being shallow about.

4. I am a stationery and invitation know-it-all. Many thanks to working at Papyrus in the early years of college. Before working there I could have cared less about where my counter cards came from, and I definitely used fill-in-the-blank invites. Now I do my best to write on only the finest of paper (Crane's) and do all of my own printing. I care about how an invitation is worded and can tell you how different wordings are supposed to convey different things. It's fascinating, really. My dad calls me a paper snob.

5. Mornings are my favorite. There's just something about waking up before the rest of the world, taking time to think and to read, meditate and pray with absolutely no distraction. Hot coffee and crisp air are worth getting up for!

6. I prefer to eat with plastic utensils. But the catch is that I don't like plastic knives. Just the plastic forks and spoons. There's just something about metal in my mouth that just gives me the heebie jeebies. Like nails on a chalkboard to some people. On top of all that, I have a preference in the plastic. I especially enjoy the clear plastic utensils. I only use metal if I absolutely have to. Weird, I know.

I tag:
Abby Shearer
Eric Margrave
Summer Martin
Heather Turek
Phil Anderson

Practicing Thankfulness #25

2008-11-25T22:11:00.000-08:00

25. I am thankful for David Crowder. I'd definitely have to describe him as the U2 of Christian music. Worship music. One of the greatest things I appreciate about Crowder is that he genuinely loves the Lord & that is clearly portrayed in the lyrics he writes and the genius of his music. If you could only buy 1 music album in your life, or if you had to purchase a Christian album, I would definitely recommend any of Crowder's albums. There's too many things I am thankful for about Crowder, but mainly, it's his passion for our God and his desire to lead worshippers in spirit and in truth through the medium of music. Here's a cool story about Crowder:

My friend Josh used to be in a band. His band had many Dove Award nominations over the years (the "Christian Grammy"). During this particular Dove Awards ceremony Josh made it priority to meet Crowder before he left. So Josh, afterwards, seeks Crowder out of the crowd to briefly introduce himself.
J: "Hey David. I'm Josh Zegan from Dizmas. I just wanted to introduce myself to you."
D: "I know. I know who you are. I listen to your music all the time. I think you're genius. I don't know why you don't sell more albums or why your music isn't as popular."

Whaaat? Who goes up to Crowder and his response is "I know who you are."????
Here's what's even cooler.

The next night Josh went to say goodbye to Crowder, and Crowder's wife happened to be there. She got to meet Josh and her reply in meeting him was, "Josh! So nice to meet you! David never comes home talking about work; he tries his best to keep work separate from home. But you must have made a huge impression on him the other night because he came home talking about you." I know, right..."

Practicing Thankfulness #24

2008-11-24T22:08:00.000-08:00

24. I am thankful for babies. I met a new baby today, Blake. Blake is 3 months old and the most precious, mellow little one I've seen in a while. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a baby lover. I think babies are quite boring and much prefer being around active toddlers or energetic children. But no one can deny how precious the moment of staring into a baby's eyes. Or watching the little creature sleep. Or suckle. Or explore their toes. Or pick their mother's voice out of a crowd. I think that babies are a part of the natural revelation that God has given to us. One cannot deny the existence of a divine Creator when studying the intricacy of an infant. May we be amazed at God's creation even in our own flesh and blood.